May 19, 2009

Awesome Amazon Acomments

Mr. Show: What Happened?! The Complete Story and Episode Guide

28 of 32 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars I can't read by Craig T. Nelson, March 4, 2004
By A Customer
I'm actually an illiterate person (and former Hollywood star of shows like Coach and motion pictures like Poltergeist II: The Legacy), but one thing I do know about are books, meaning: I know what they are because I've seen them crammed on shelves in houses and ontop of television sets across this great land of ours and from coast to coast too. And one thing I've come to learn about this Mr. Show book is - it's got plenty of pictures. To me one good quality picture is worth a thousand misspelled words. You're probably wondering how I'm writing this review- well you let me just worry about that and buy yourself a book about this wonderful Johnny come lately tv series that got the corporate ax much too soon in this humble actor's opinion!

20 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars This DVD Helps, June 18, 2006
By Sarah Pew (Hygiene, Colorado) - See all my reviews
Im a retired nurse who lives a lonely life in the mountains. I won a DVD player at a church raffle and this is my only DVD. My friend Josiel gave this to me for my birthday. It was my only birthday gift.

It reminds me of my romance novels. Its interesting to see what is happening among young people today. This DVD helps through the lonely times.

Id like to show it to my nephew but I dont know if hes alive.

From Sarah

No Title Available
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars A GREAT DRINK!!!, July 7, 2006
By MATT - See all my reviews

CD - Donovan

0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars He did it again!, December 22, 2008
By G. Flores (Cincinnati, OH) - See all my reviews
Donovan has once again made music that is audible. But only under the right circumstances. For Example, if I turn the volume all the way down, I can't hear a thing. And if I turn it up all the way it starts to hurt my ears and then I can't hear anything for a long time.

May 18, 2009

Last Aid

I know I complain a lot, usually about anything that gets in my way. There's a train crossing that I seem to get stuck at once a week or so. It's technically a shortcut, but at the time of the morning I go to work, it's a gamble. The trains are very long, so depending on my mood, I either sit there and make the best of lost time, or turn around and go back.

Last week, I saw something that really sucked. A Liberty Health ambulance was stuck at the crossing. I don't know if they were on the way to pick someone up or if they already had the person, but their lights were flashing. I pulled up and probably only waited for a minute or two, but it felt like an hour knowing the pressure was on for the ambulance.

One of the drivers actually ran out of the ambulance at one point to see how much longer the train was. Those things go on forever.

And that's all I have to say about that.

May 17, 2009

Ssips Sso Sserious

I gave the gift of a bloody bloodbag of blood again last week, and in return for my donation, the NY/NJ Blood Services gave me all Ssips I could drink. For the uninitiated, Ssips is a beverage that comes in various juice and tea flavors, and most frequently packaged as a small drink box. According to an unreliable looking website they are manufactured right here in New Jersey by Johanna Foods. The same website claims that Ssips was "voted the 'Best Overall Commercial Iced Tea' by the regional Mount Holly, New Jersey Iced Tea Club"--a group clearly more trustworthy than than the Long Island Iced Tea Club.

As I sat down nibbling cookies and drinking my juice, I noticed that the Ssips boxes all had philosophical quotes on the side. I never noticed this before. According to internet history/hearsay, Ssips featured the same quote on all boxes until 2ooo, when they expanded their repertoire. In effort to replenish my fluids after donating my reddest, I drank down (or Ssipped up) additional inspiration from Frank Capra, Ernest Hemingway, and Sophocles. It was a interesting change from the snappy, quirky commentary you usually find on beverage containers these days.

And for a brand whose name spells PISS backwards, they certainly seem to keep a straight face marvelously.

May 15, 2009

Virgin SMEGMAstore: Parts IV & V

I went to Virgin yet again last Saturday. Prices were "Up to 40% off" but really just 25% off of anything that mattered. The place was crawling with weekend spenders, and they opened up a special little area for the first time where they were selling fixtures, equipment, and random promo items such as a giant $150 Kelly Clarkson poster (had to be at least 8'x8' by my estimation). You could also make an offer on a larger than life-size armored warrior from a video game that I can't remember. Something part 3. [Fall Out 3 says the RoBeastress who is way better at soaking up Sci-Fi/Fantasy crap that I am. And this is what it looks like.]

I browsed a little and added a few more things to my list (The Cars Greatest Hits, The Shining, soundtracks from Underworld 2, Ghostbusters, & Dead Man Walking). The RoBeastress started her own list after being left alone in the TV on DVD section for too long while I stared at the Rocky Balboa CD waiting for it to magically appear like a good value. Still, I could not bring myself to the register with anything in my hands.

Instead, I went to Academy Records on W.18th and bought 3 used CDs and a used DVD for less than a new CD at Virgin (even with the 25% discount). Blur's self-titled, R.E.M.'s Out of Time, The Rentals' Return of the Rentals, and The Shining (though not the greatest version, it'll do for now).

On Tuesday, I went back to Virgin knowing full well that there would be no drop in prices (because I clearly have an addiction). I was correct. There was, however, a significant drop in inventory. There were many empty shelves in the DVD sections, particularly the TV on DVD area. DVD and CD box sets are dwindling as well. Don't say I didn't warn ya, but The Sopranos are all sold out. And my beloved Rocky Balboa CD is also gone, gone, gone!

I don't feel sad that I missed out on the Rocky disc. I gambled, but didn't really lose. I bought it on eBay the next day for less. Sure, it's coming from Argentina, but it's still cheaper! I guess I'm a little amazed that that many people made such a dent in the place considering the deals weren't even that good, but at the same time, it needs to happen, or the discounts will never go any deeper. So, thanks, suckers.

With fewer people in the store and fewer items on the shelves, it was a little easier for me to browse and add to my list. Actually, quite a few things had to be crossed off because they were snatched up during the weekend blitz. There are still lots of copies of Prince's Batman Soundtrack, and most of the Batman movies as well (though I'm really just interested in the first Michael Keaton version, and the 60's Adam West one). I also noticed that Police Academy 2 and 3 are packaged together in one set! Score! The Sarah Bareilles DVDs seem to have multiplied, so I don't think that's in danger of disappearing from my clutches.

Now I'm at a tricky stage of the game. I had expected prices to jump directly from 20% off to 30%, a point which I would consider buying things. But they went and injected a week of only 25% off, which to me was not a great deal, but forced me prematurely into the consideration stage. (Yes, premature consideration.) It also sent a lot of people in town to immediate purchase mode, so now there's the feeling that people will really go nuts at whatever the next stage is. I wish I had paid better attention to the Times Square location's going out of business schedule/strategy. Actually, I wish someone had blogged about it.

What I really need to do is buckle down and scout out prices logically and not get swept into any buying frenzy. I mean, I'm obviously able to delay gratification, but ultimately, what would make me feel worse--not buying something I want, or buying something I want and then a week later finding out that I could have gotten it for less by waiting? Do I even really need any of these things? Would I be buying these things at all if there wasn't a deal, or the illusion of a deal? Or the illusion of demand just because they're disappearing at the illusion of a deal? God damn you Virgin Cocktease for toying with my emotions! You couldn't've just went directly to 40%, couldja? You had to foil my plan.

And now YouTube's not working, so I can't play you off, Keyboard Bobcat. SORRY AYHAYAHAYA YHYHYEAH*$&*&AHYRHYHDH UAFHAHFKUNV (Bobcat impression) AYYYRYAYYR *&@*$*_%**&*&$*&@&$*&^*&$... hmmm... Batman vs Bobcat... hmm....

May 14, 2009


My Verizon frustration continues. I'm trying to get an employee discount from Verizon Wireless because the company I work for (Cockring Warehouse) has some kind of deal with them. I've been working for the company for 4 months now, but this is the first I've heard about it. I'm told that it takes 1-2 months to process this request (WHAT THE WTF?), so I'm in a hurry to get it started AS SOON AS ASAP.

So I hit the Verizon site. Then I try through my company's HR portal. Then I try through the link that Verizon's customer service gave me. I am met with error after error every fucking time I try to register my information electronically on America's Most Reliable Network's website. I can't tell you how many times a day I sit in front of my computer monitor and give it the big Finger.

It turns out the ghost in the VZ shell has been counting, and is taking responsibility for 4 of those times:

I do appreciate the response Verizon Bot, but it's too little too late. I am now faxing in my registration to your human handlers. I hope they RSVP S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

May 11, 2009

Google News Headline: Nor'easter to Destroy the Children of the Corn

While dicking around on Twitter this morning (@RobeastRollie, if you're wondering) I stumbled on "Doodle 4 Google." Being a big fan of MS Paint and other Lo-Fi scribblers, I dig coloring contests that don't require any serious amount of artistic talent. Just in case you refused to click the link, here's a quick synopsis of what Doodle 4 Google is:
Welcome to Doodle 4 Google, a competition where we invite K-12 students to play around with our homepage logo and see what new designs they come up with. This year we're inviting U.S. kids to join in the doodling fun, around the intriguing theme "What I Wish for the World."
Right now they are having a public online vote to narrow down each of the 4 age groups to one winner, then an overall winner will be chosen next week. The winner gets a scholarship and a computer and their doodle on a t-shirt and the Google homepage on May 21st , so I donated 5 minutes of my life to voting on the current round of finalists. Here are the entries I voted for:

Name: Johnny Zuk Age: 6
City, State: Monroe, CT

I voted for this one because the singing e's head is on fire and that's fucking punk rock, man. If this kid wins the laptop, I want to write to him and get him to draw Plowing Mud Forever's next album cover.

Name: Courtney Bodine Age: 11
City, State: Moorestown, NJ

This one's cool because I dig animals and the tiger looks really badass just chilling up in the tree. I think he's just waiting for everyone to stop talking about peace so he can eat the bird.

Name: Abigail Kois Age: 12
City, State: Walworth, NY

In middle school, I had my bedroom decorated with paper clips. It was the dorkiest thing in the world, but I had thousands of paper clips of various colors and sizes linked up and draped from the ceiling circling the room. Personally, I think this should have incorporated a little variety within each letter, but this design looks really clean and simple and most importantly, appeals to my dork side.
Name: Jeff Warner Age: 16
City, State: Bradford, PA

This one is also pretty clean and simple, but at the same time, is completely action packed. And it works in FOUR DIMENSIONS! I like that the kid anticipates the destruction of the 2.0-zone layer in the future. Instead of whitespace, he opts instead for hazy blackspace. Now that's a future Robocop can defend. Pastel Robocop at least.

And now I'm donating an extra few minutes to overanalyze my votes. The four age groups (Kindergarten - Grade 3, Grade 4 - Grade 6, Grade 7 - Grade 9, Grade 10 - Grade 12) are further split into ten US Regional categories. I looked at all of the entries equally, and made my selections, and my favorites all ended up coming from Region 1 or 2, made up of Northeastern states.
Region 1:
Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Vermont

Region 2:
New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania

This was completely unintentional of me, but does it truly prove my Nor'Eastern snobbery? Maybe the kids up here have somehow mastered implanting subconscious triggers in their artwork to set off a positive aesthetic reactions in other Northeasterners brains? Or maybe Northeastern kids simply are better doodlers than the rest of the country? We could place some of the blame on Google for injecting a little bias into the contest by calling the Northeastern regions 1 and 2 and displaying them first on the voting pages. The winner also gets a free trip to Google's New York office, so maybe Google is pushing for a winner that will cost the least to transport. OMG IT'S A CONSPIRACY! VOTE FOR THE KID ON THE GRASSY KNOLL ACROSS THE STREET!

All jokes aside (there is no grassy knoll across the street from the Google New York office), I'm asking y'all* to go vote. Yes, I know that even if you don't vote there will still be a prize awarded, but a lot of traffic and attention is probably what will keep this program and other programs like it going year after year. Plus if we keep kids in school drawing all the time, it will stop them from sexting so damn much. Go!

*See, I can appeal to other regions of the US.

May 7, 2009

Katy Perry is Evil

I was just reminiscing with Ryan "Ryborg" Stevens, drummer of Plowing Mud Forever over the days when we used to have band practice in midtown Manhattan. It's not that we miss the rehearsal space or the atmosphere of the city or the boring commute--it's the subway vandalism that seems to mysteriously follow us in the stations and sometimes even onto the trains.

With those fond memories fresh in my mind, and the Budweiser still flowing through my veins after the big Fear show in Brooklyn last night, I just could not resist assisting the giant 92.3 NEW subway ad in exposing Katy Perry as the Anti-Christ.

I apologize in advance if the purple-dyed Hitler 'stache catches on with poser mall punks all across the country, but I don't regret my statement. Katy Perry is a fucking tool and writes horrible, vapid music. She's got a pretty face and generic talent and it pisses me off how far that goes in the pop world. Bah. Grr. Fart. I'll go write a song about it and I'll show her! Nyah!

Anyway, some kids walked by while I was standing there and said "Wow, that's awesome." Vindication! I love livin' in the city!

May 6, 2009

Virgin Smegmastore III

I really thought today would be the day Virgin would move their CD and DVD discounts to 30% off. 3 has just been the magic number. This is my third trip, and third post. I heard "Poker Face" three times. I saw three homeless guys on the way to Union Square. But no, still at only 20% off.

I did notice one item to add to the 30% off list though that may change everything for you. I don't know if it was there before, or if the price just dropped in the past few days, but STATIONARY is now being sold for 30% off at Virgin. Yes, you heard it here first... Stationary.

The copy of the Richard Branson autobiography Losing My Virginity that I had planned to take a smart-ass picture with has been bought, moved, or stolen. Sorry folks, I gambled and lost. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.

There is only one copy of the Rocky Balboa CD left, one copy of The Rocky Story, and four or five copies of Rocky IV. I have decided officially that Rocky Balboa is at the top of my list here, but still not at that price. $15.20 after the discount at Virgin, or $15 at Amazon. I really can't lose here.

I either erroneously reported the price of The Sopranos Box Set the other day or they changed the sticker price. It is currently $400, with 20% off., which actually puts it LESS than the Amazon price of $329 (and then puts it back over after NYC sales tax, but who's counting?). There are quite a few copies of this left that I'm sure will be decimated the minute the discount goes to 30%.

To everyone out there bitching about my scrutinizing of minuscule price breaks that I keep passing over, but continue to pay tunnel tolls just to get to New York City to access those potential deals, blow me. I was coming here anyway. And besides, you complainers don't actually exist. No one is really reading this blog or sending me comments anymore, so I have to play fucking devil's advocate to myself! I'm unbelievable.

Vision Street Wear, indeed.

May 3, 2009

Virgin Smegmastore Part 2

Update on the Virgin Store Closing Sale--the windows are now plastered with signs suggesting "UP TO 30% OFF." Upon closer inspection of the inventory, very little has changed since I was there 4 days ago. All CDs and DVDs are still only 20% off. Clothing and electronics are 10% off. I will now list the "amazing" items you can purchase for 30% less than the original prices:
  • Posters
  • Wallets
  • Cards
Who knew that they even sold posters, wallets, or cards? Not this guy. And while I do need a new wallet, I'm don't want one with The Misfits, The Ramones, or Pink Floyd plastered all over it. I especially resent the misleading premature rollout of the eleventeen billion 30% OFF signs when only .5% of the store actually reflects that discount, but hey, loopholes is loopholes.

I did come really close to purchasing a Best of Rocky Soundtrack that I hadn't seen before called The Rocky Story: The Original Soundtrack Songs From The Rocky Movies. It was $4 cheaper than the newer Best of Rocky Soundtrack called Rocky Balboa: The Best of Rocky and had several fewer songs, but still all the ones I'm looking for. Basically, it's the best corny/inspirational songs from Rocky IV and the best of I-III, without the crap from V or Rocky Balboa.

[update - I dig some digging on Amazon and discovered that the "Gonna Fly Now" versions on The Rocky Story are not the original film versions and are instead inferior reproductions by The Rocky Orchestra and not Bill Conti. I wonder if a knowledgeable Virgin employee would have pointed that out to me.]

Both of these CDs are still much cheaper on Amazon, even with the 20% off discount. For that reason, I will not be buying them from Virgin until these discounts genuinely go deeper. I actually considered hiding the discs I wanted in strange places at the store so my Virgin wishlist wouldn't end up getting snatched up by someone less anal than me about pricing. I do believe in fairness though, and decided against the scheme despite the store being packed and the inventory being noticeably chipped away at. From what I've read, the discounts will make a jump to 40%-60% off soon. At that point I'm positive that almost everything will disappear, leaving only the shelves themselves up for grabs. Most of the things I've got on my watch list were still high in supply. There's obviously no accounting for my taste.

May 1, 2009


I'm considering going to a Marnie Stern/Tera Melos show in Brooklyn this coming Sunday night, which is being advertised as ALL AGES. But I read the fine print:
This event is 3 and over. Any Ticket holder unable to present valid identification indicating that they are at least 3 years of age will not be admitted to this event, and will not be eligible for a refund.

Will Call orders may ONLY be claimed upon entry to the venue by the purchaser. Please have the credit card you used for purchase available to claim your order. No Exceptions. All shows 21 and over unless otherwise stated. This show is ALL AGES.

Those damn dirty liars! I tell you what, if I see a 2-year old with a 3+ fake ID, I'm gonna rat that little bastard out. Fucking break up my party.

Holy shit look at this shirt!