December 29, 2011

Stop! Or Mantegna Will Shoot

I saw a retrospective on the Rocky films the other night and was shocked at how different Sylvester Stallone looks these days due to all the plastic surgery. I decided to give The Expendables a shot today*, but every time Stallone was on screen, I couldn't help but be distracted and puzzled by his face. Half the time I thought it was Joe Mantenga playing the lead mercenary Barney Ross.

What do you think? Am I crazy?

* I normally don't watch a lot of action movies, but I was sucked in by Netflix's description of the film:

December 12, 2011


I'm trying not to be incredibly negative about my workplace considering I only have 5 days left with them, but they can't seem to stop giving me reasons to be annoyed, so here we are.

If you don't already know, I work in the Facilities Department for a large corporation. I started almost a year ago. For as long as I've worked there, there's been a work request system in place for when people need things taken care of. It's really simple--you fill out the Facilities form and email it to the Facilities inbox, then it gets assigned internally and handled by the appropriate team member. It's important for us to have the form so we can prioritize and track the work we do, and you know, justify our existence.Yet for some reason, 95% of the employees can't seem to remember how or have no interest in following this process, even when I remind them. Here's one of 17 hundred thousand times I've gone through this (all edits in red, obviously):

First problem, she stopped by my boss' office instead of emailing the Facilities Inbox. Second problem, she emails my boss instead of emailing the Facilities Inbox. Third problem, no form attached. Guess what? My boss is fucking busy with high-level building work all the time and isn't sitting around scanning his email for petty temperature complaints from people who can't follow the simple request process.

Predictably, he's not going to do anything about this except forward it to 6pm, when I'm already gone for the day.

And when I see your sucky email next morning and see there's no form attached, I'm going to remind you that you're doing it wrong and let you try it again.

Even though I've attached the form and sent off an unsympathetic email to her, I'm still going to go investigate the problem without waiting for the form because I'm not an asshole. Also because I know she's most likely never going to fill it out, or will fuck it up somehow and complain to my boss.

In this case, she fucked it up. She filled out the form, but then emailed it to me, not the inbox I clearly indicated in the previous email. From 9am - 12pm, I was not at my desk--I was off doing work elsewhere. Then I took a lunch break. Her email at 9:47am could have said "Help me, I'm on fire and I'm going to burn to death soon" but I would not have seen it until 12:30pm. However, if she had sent that to the Inbox on the top of the form like I said, someone would have seen it and responded accordingly. But instead, I have to now expand my lecture and use italics.


Clear as mud, apparently. Also, notice she's removed my boss from the chain.

Yes, I actually copy/pasted the form she filled out, circled the instruction she seemed to have missed twice, and reiterated its location--"Top of the form." How much more time can possibly be wasted by ignorance? The work could have been completed the day before if she did it right the first time.

Really? The way I worded the email? I'm pretty sure I worded it in a way that a 4-year old would have understood. I didn't respond to this, because it probably would have said "Fuck you, and fuck your company too." And maybe a smiley face. :)

Five days left...

December 8, 2011

The RoBeast's Top 13 Xmas Songs

I'm not much a fan of the holidays, but there are still a handful of Xmas tunes that I dig a lot and recommend listening to at really any time of the year. Predictably, you will find in this playlist a pleasurable mix of Santanic violence, f-bombs, dark sarcastic lyrics, unorthodox takes on old classics, pensive S.A.D. downers, blatant and subtle anti-Xmas themes, and one from Gremlins.

The Kinks - "Father Christmas"
Pearl Jam - "Let Me Sleep (It's Xmastime)"
Darlene Love - "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
Fear - "Fuck Christmas"
The Kids of Widney High - "Santa is in a Wheelchair"
The Nightmare - "Riverbottom Nightmare Band" (from Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas)
Bit Shifter - "Let it Snow" (from The 8 Bits of Xmas)
Weird Al - "The Night Santa Went Crazy"
CKY - "Santa Claus is Coming"
Los Straightjackets - "Sleigh Ride"
The Waitresses - "Christmas Wrapping"
Run DMC - "Christmas in Hollis"
John Lennon - "Happy Xmas (War is Over)"

Yeah, I'm sure I forgot a bunch. Go write your own blog, blogger.

December 3, 2011

RoBeast Book of World Records

On November 24th my "graphic of an obscure and unrepresentative example sentence" was finally removed from the hallowed pages of Wikipedia. I'dn't've expected my simple picture of an imaginary complex contraction to have lasted 111 days on a page presumably attractive to Grammar Nazis, but at least I now have benchmark for vandalism endurance challenges.

Whatever will be next?