1. Unsolved Mysteries did not scare me...
...Maury Povich did. The channel changed after Final Jeopardy and that smokey A Current Affair triangle logo and sound effect would blast at the screen. It signaled to me that sensational stories of real-life brutality were about to follow and if I didn't want to have nightmares of Robert Chambers strangling a doll in grainy slow-motion footage, I'd better leave the room.
2. The Nothing from The Neverending Story did not scare me...
...Wolfen did. And not even the wolves themselves--it was the "wolf-vision" that got me, similar to the heat-vision effect that Predator later used. The low-to-the-ground camera POV is really disorienting and you can't help but feel party to the impending slaughter.
3. The Library Ghost from Ghostbusters did not scare me...
...OK, yeah she did. Ghostbusters is my favorite movie of all time and when I first saw it in the theaters in 1984, my eyes were covered by the time they tried to "get her."
4. Tales From the Crypt did not scare me...
...Tales from the Darkside did. By the time Tales From the Crypt aired on HBO, I was ready to accept the art of horror--its suspense, plot twists, and dark humor. More importantly, I was finally over the trauma of catching the "Inside the Closet" episode of Tales from the Darkside years earlier. It seems so corny in retrospect, but as a child, I had a trapdoor in my closet and I was convinced that thing lived in there.
5. The Skeksis from The Dark Crystal did not scare me...
...Fizzgig did. When it was first introduced jumping out of its little cave displaying its multiple rows of a teeth, I freaked out. It's was like a Muppet Jaws. I've never been able to convince anyone else that Fizzgig is scary, and the clips of it being harmless and cute doesn't really help my case. I swear, terror lies behind its foam teeth and fake fur.
6. "Thriller" did not scare me...
"In the Air Tonight" did. This barebones video with its simple special effects and dramatically lit stares of Phil Collins is extremely creepy, and the vague and mysterious lyrics leave so much to the imagination. The vocoder-laden "Well I remember..." that starts the second verse still makes the hair on my neck stand up.
7. IT didn't scare me...
...Hair did. Specifically, the song "Age of Aquarius." When I was fairly young, I caught a documentary about the 60s. When they got to talking about the Manson Family murders, that song was playing. They held a shot of a sinister summer moon, then broke for commercial. I'm pretty sure I didn't wait for the show to come back. To me, "Age of Aquarius" is forever linked to dirty long-haired psychopaths and the death of innocence in the United States.
8. Large Marge dying didn't scare me...
... E.T. and Elliot dying did. They were both so pale and sickly at this point, it was shocking. I don't think I had ever seen a child dying depicted onscreen before this moment. And Elliot had long underwear--I had long underwear. Does that mean I could die? Speaking of Spielberg...
9. Poltergeist didn't scare me...*
...Poltergeist 2 did. The character Reverend Kane was horrifying, and I was convinced he lurked in every shadow looking for me. It didn't help that Poltergeist 2 was rated PG-13 and was on HBO during the day ALL THE TIME. Just hearing a few notes of "God is in his Holy Temple" or catching a glimpse of his black hat scared the shit out of me. At the time I was not aware the actor playing Kane, Julian Beck, died during production of the film. Had I known that, I may not have constantly feared running into him.
* Technically, I was so scared by the idea of the original Poltergeist that I never even attempted to watch it until I was big enough not to fit inside a TV. Also, the way my dad described scenes ("The wall turns into a giant vagina") was traumatizing on multiple levels.
10. Nickelodeon's Are You Afraid of the Dark? didn't scare me...
...Chocky did. This British television show aired occasionally on Nickelodeon in the late-80s. I didn't know what to make of the program, but I knew I should fear it. The intro alone combines so many elements of previous listed scare tactics--foreboding music, floating faces, weird camera filter effects, even a creepy pyramid! And apparently, Steven Spielberg owns the rights to it now. Psychological drama for children is a rarely-tapped genre, and I think Nick brave to air the show to an American audience. If only I were as brave...
BONUS:
From the final segment of Twilight Zone: The Movie, "Terror at 20,000 Feet." This is the reason why I require a view of the wing when I fly:
No comments:
Post a Comment