Transmissions and Emissions from the Blue Lion

Last night I, of course, I parked my shit outdoors like a dumbass. Of course, we had a tornado warning and hail the size of golf balls that broke windows as I masturbated furiously in a gloriously violent crescendo in tempo with the teeth of the storm. Wha? Until my passion broke with the windows and glass sprayed everywhere. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Never mind. That shit broke windows. Sexy windows! I was titillated and terrified. It was great. As a consequence, I couldn't sleep until 3am. Up, aware, and tingly until 3am. Sounds like it's time for more news chunklets. Just some facts. Nuggets of trivia and stories that caught my eye as I gamboled o'er the signals.

The Apocalypse is Nigh.

The earth is just swallowing up parts of TX, http://tinyurl.com/58vy4n willy nilly. It is the curse of GW & his kin upon my state. Residents are calling the disaster Sinko de Mayo.

"It’s unreal — the earth just wallered up,” said Lynn Wells, the mayor and fire chief, who monitored emergency efforts, speeding back and forth on his red Harley-Davidson.

I think the wallered up + the red Harley-Davidson really send this over the top for me. The sinkholes are caused by the oil industry drinking your milkshake right up and shitting it back out into your groundwater. Just more proof the earth hates us and wants to wipe us off its face.

ps. Contrary to popular belief, GW is not from Texas. He is a Y*nkee carpetbagger of the worst sort from f*cking Connecticut! Texas does not claim him.

Not even the skies are safe!

FLOGOS. Flying cloud-shaped logos that are environmentally sound. Made out of helium and a proprietary soap formula, they can travel 20-30 miles and go as high as 20,000 feet. They travel slow so they are very visible for a long time with a life expectancy of a few minutes to as much as an hour.

With one Flogo generator you will produce one Flogo every 15 seconds; we recommend that you have two machines which can generate a Flogo every 7 seconds, a life expectancy of a few minutes to an hour or so. For larger events you may need 6-8 Flogo generators.

Go watch their corporate video. Logos in the clouds. I don't know if I'm upset, or I think it's genius. I think I'm coming down on the genius side because I want an excuse to use them. Music video anyone? Flogos are a 100% environmentally safe. Colors coming in 2009.

Maybe We're Not Totally Hopeless as a Species. MAYBE.

California joins Massachussett's in ruling that discriminating against people because of who they fuck is actually unconstitutional! YAY! Look we've figured it out, ma. Love is love and should be celebrated and encouraged in positive ways.

California's Supreme Court has opened the way for same-sex marriages, ruling a ban on homosexual unions to be unconstitutional.

California has for almost a decade allowed same-sex couples to enter "domestic partnerships", conferring the same rights as marriage.

But on Thursday the state's highest court said reserving the term "marriage" for opposite-sex relationships might deny equal respect and dignity to same-sex unions.

It's not rocket science, people, but thank you for proving me wrong. Not everyone in the whole f*cking world is an idiot. Though seriously, Austria what THE SCHNITZEL is going on over there lately? First the guy who kept the girl in a hole under his house and abused her for 8 years, then the father who kept a daughter in his basement and fathered 7 children on her in secret, and now this? Whatever you all are doing over there? STOP IT. Immediately. Get a colon cleanse. Try a shot of wheatgrass or maybe a Qi Gong class, but mellow out people. Take it down a notch on the psycho scale from maybe a 9 to, say, a 2. Bring it down to a 2. Smoke a joint. Maybe some accupuncture? A hug?

Transmissions from the Blue Lion

See, I told you Rollie was only temporarily stuck in the trash compactor that is life. It happens to the best of us. In fact, I don't really have time today to sit and stew and vent my cho-cha at the universe, but I've been up since 2am cursing the pollens and the demons Hagar sends to me every night this week so far --lady, give a princess a break. Since I'm already up, I've been scanning the Galactic Transmissions since about 3am. I was looking for Transmissions from Venus, but Earth is in that direction too, so it's 2 for the price of 1.

It's a new feature. Tasty, bite-sized news chunklets from deep within the Blue Lion. If you've got a good idea for a name for this BRAND-NEW feature, go ahead and leave it in the comments. I'll personally pick out three comic books from my collection and send them to the person who comes up with the best name. Fine. Or not, maybe I'll just keep them all to myself. Meh. Without further ado here's some stray news transmissions.

UC Berkeley student’s Twitter messages alerted world to his arrest in Egypt

"Buck, 29, a former Oakland Tribune multimedia intern, used the ubiquitous short messaging service to tap out a single word on his cellular phone: ARRESTED. The message went out to the cell phones and computers of a wide circle of friends in the United States and to the mostly leftist, anti-government bloggers in Egypt who are the subject of his graduate journalism project.

The next day, he walked out a free man with an Egyptian attorney hired by UC Berkeley at his side and the U.S. Embassy on the phone."

Now, you try and tell me that building a cyber community is somehow less valid, frivolous, and not worthwhile in today’s world.

Please read the full article and take the time to sign the petition to free the still imprisoned Egyptian translator and journalist the student was with. Having an opinion that differs from that of the ruling class and voicing that opinion should NEVER be a crime, much less a crime that is punishable by prison time and possible torture. (via D@n)

Gator blood may hold the keys to curing herpes.

I shit you not.

"Researchers hunting for new antibiotics might get some aid from gator blood. Scientists are zeroing in on snippets of proteins found in American alligator blood that kill a wide range of disease-causing microbes and bacteria, including the formidable MRSA or methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus. Previous experiments have revealed that gator blood extract cripples many human pathogens, including E. coli, the herpes simplex virus and some strains of the yeast Candida albicans. The serum's antimicrobial power probably derives from protein bits called peptides. Widespread among reptiles and amphibians, several such germ-fighting peptides have been isolated from the skin of frogs in recent years.

"It seems Mother Nature has built in a circulating system of antimicrobial factories that protect the animals while they are waiting to develop the cell-mediated response that we would develop quickly..."

Let's ride this wave of good news as long as we can and end on a light and funny note.

Thundercats are loose on the Houses of Parliament!

Last night, the Thundercats symbol for help was projected onto Parliament in London. I love whoever did this. That is twelve kinds of awesome. I can just imagine Lion-o locked in a battle to the death with Tony Blair and Margaret Thatcher, and thinking, "Oh fuck, they're relentless and cannot be beaten. They're gonna kill me and eat me; time to call for help! Thundercats Hoooooooooo!"

For the record, it was most likely a stunt to promote the new release of Season 2 of the Thundercats on DVD.

Time to head down to Planet Arus. Princess duties call.