140 Character Comic Book Reviews

Last Friday, I was happily composing an article on the creator of Wonder Woman and his unconventional BDSM and polyamorous marriage, but every node in the cable/internet grid for my sector went down for about 5 hours and murdered my momentum. I've been trying to get back to it all weekend. Forgive me, I might have to chip away at the block a bit more before I bring it to you. I hate to leave you without new content all the time, so I am carrying a new thing I tried this weekend on my twitter over here to the blawg.

As is my wont, I went to the comic book store this weekend and dropped a bunch of cash. Then I went home, poured myself a big glass of red wine and got to reading. I posted 140 character reviews of each of the comics to my twitter, like one-sentence game reviews because sometimes brevity is best. Moo liked it, and that's good enough for me. Without further ado, I give you 140 Character Comic Book Review Monday or 140CCBR Monday. That kind of makes it sound like an exotic drug component which to me comic books are.












Let's read comics together. Just finished "Nightmares & Fairytales" #22. Song of the Siren. <3 the anime, cutesy, macabre. Mermaid revenge rape tale. Can't wait for the conclusion.
















Ultimate X-Men #92 & #93---Really? I love the Phoenix, but we're doing this story again? From a more positive angle? *sigh* Deus Ex Phoenix.

















Brit #5, so much fun. I love Brit. Best line: I should be somewhere erasing indigenous people not fetching super vagina. Genetic super spies, ftw.





















Gravel #2 A Warren Ellis book. Combat magician. Profane and action packed from Jump Street. I've enjoyed the story thus far #0-2. More. Faster.


















Doc Frankenstein #6 LOVES it. The blasphemous never before-told origin story of Yahweh. Some funny and informed writing there. Gotta get it. Must have.






















The Uncanny X-Men #495-497 A telepath brings down the Summer of Love all over the city. Weaksauce. Scott is somehow *less* annoying w/ Emma. I know; who would have thought it was possible?




















Dark Ivory#1 Now Linsner is doing vampire Dawn? Basically. I'll still read it becoz of the artwork. I enjoy Dawn, capricious pagan goddess that she is.



















House of Mystery #1. Abel from the Dreaming's house goes AWOL. These are the stories of the people trapped within. Fascinatingly disgusting insect sex and birth scenes.




















B.P.R.D. 1946 #4 Searching for Hitler's Vampire Project. That demonlord thing in the body of the little girl terrifies both me and everyone else.


















Black Summer #6 another Warren Ellis offering. Blood, bullets, and fire. The bullets and fire and blood gloriously spray over *every* page.























Goon #23 Zombies, golems, and union labor disputes. It's all in a day's work for the Goon. A day's work that ends with a cupcake. Huh, fillery. I love the Goon, but #23 is very fillery.




















X-Men Messiah CompleX #1 What is this crazy shit? Scarlet Witch reordered reality so x-gene barely exists. But one is born who will lead us...where? Into more shitty alternate x-realities?





















Abe Sapiens #4 Mignola split Abe off from being just Hellboy's sidekick and is exploring his past and talents. 'Bout time. Same mythic storytelling. Liking it.

















Anna Mercury #1 Another Warren Ellis book. Anna is policing an alternative and imaginary world. It has a very "The Filth" feel to the story.





















Lobster Johnson #4 A Mike Mignola book. Maybe 1 too many for me. Lobster is a 1930s paranormal detective and in the funny papers. A character in a comic strip in a comic book. Too meta.




















Young X-Men #2 What is this shit? New youngster team being trained by Scott to attack the New Mutants, the former youngster team. Everything I said about Scott miraculously becoming less irritating I take it back. This is a pile of dreck, and I want to kill Scott aka Cyclops.
















That is how you spend $50 and lose a weekend to absorbing the funny pages. I waste my money, so you can spend yours more wisely. I'll get that Wonder Woman creator article on the boil. I just couldn't leave you with nothing new to read. Thanks to my twitterbuds for the positive response, and yes, I cheated a little on the last few as they are not strictly only a 140 characters. I'm a color outside the lines kind of girl.

O_o

*Princess Out*

Maths Can Be Sexy

V is Vagina, and V is for Venn Diagram. That math looks so sexy on you. Like Einstein's soul threw up just a little bit on Anna Nicole Smith; sexy in a horrible, disgusting and yet funny way that implies either genius or retardation. I ride the fence on this one back and forth endlessly. Are certainly celebrities brilliant or functionally retarded? I should preface all this with the caveat that I was only ok at the maths at school. Algebra I am aces at; I'm ok with the geometry until we get into the 20-step proofs, and then I am out. As Bret Michaels would say, "Me no likey." I can get by in the calculus but we get anywhere NEAR irrational numbers, and I AM OUT. Goodbye. My smarts are not of that kind. I got the words, but not the spatial maths. Eh. I am sure I can date up brainwise if need be. Unfortunately, that's not how my vagina works. No, not at all. I like guys with abs; it is a sad, sick shame. I confess it. You can be fit and pretty and stupid, and much like any man, I will put up with you as long as you keep your mouth shut. Terrible isn't it? Stop talking baby; you're spoiling the moment. Ssssh. Though I have had that trick pulled on me by the Schulze and his very special brand of cynical bastardism, "How about we have less noticing things with our mouths and more noticing things with our minds." Fuck you; deuce up. This from the first man to give me an orgasm, and you WONDER what is wrong with me. It would take from now until the end of time to unravel the wtf that has happened to me. Mostly because I am insane and can obsess and manufacture meaning out of any little thing, so we'd be here forever as I am always thinking about your motivations and even more so when you don't have any conscious ones, but who's kidding who here? There's always a reason, always something to define, and always a sentence to diagram or perhaps a VENN (or Euler diagram) to lay out to clarify any given situation.

Today, I found a site that is all diagrams and graphs jotted down on notecards or napkins or what have you. I am now totally addicted to indexed. It's smart and very tongue-in-cheek, and it does help one make sense of relationships in a concrete manner without actually having to resort to higher maths that I am not good at. Praise be! I have been on a Venn Diagram kick lately ever since I found the best diagram ever which accurately represents my struggle against the endless tyranny of pants:




Unfortunately, that diagram is not actually a Venn diagram because the data sets do not intersect. It is in all reality a Euler diagram which is more useful for showing real world data, because not all sets partially overlap with all other sets. That's the last time I will make that distinction because from here on out, anything with circles I am going to define as a Venn digram because everyone has at least heard of a Venn diagram and has at least a vague concept of what I'm talking about.

Also, in honor of that terrible new commercial wherein Meatloaf sings about his kid wanting a fucking Go Phone every night and day as he throws smoke bombs around his garage and his wife waltzes around nonchalantly manhandling a large, raw leg of meat, here is a Venn Diagram just for you Meatloaf:


Perhaps, that should actually be labeled "Things Meatloaf would do for money".

The beautiful thing about the Venn is that you can truly use them to define any relationship. This one, off of Indexed, is a new favorite that accurately defines Hope for Entrepreneurs and the tacky shit they make.



This one is also a favorite. Perhaps it should be titled: "Spring Cleaning."


I bring all this up because a few weeks a go I met a beautiful girl and kissed her at a bar. I immediately fell ill with a horrific flu mere hours afterwards. She's a 4th grade teacher, so I think I was struck down by filthy, opportunistic 4th grader germs. I really liked this girl, and we were all holding hands and getting kissy, in public. She even threw some noise at a friend of mine who happens to be a girl because she thought my friend was making moves on me, but sadly, as all such encounters with women usually end for me, she was only into kissing girls when drunk. Since that night, I have had no answer to my texts. Oh ladies, it's amazing what 2 shots of Jagermeister will do to your sexual orientations. As for me, your Princess, I am bisexual and far pickier about my women than I am about my men. Double standard, I know. The awesome thing about meeting pretty teachers in bars though is that they volunteer to diagram your gayness for you. In fact, I think it was her idea to diagram my gayness which made me fall even a little bit more in love with her in my alcohol-induced haze. Let me present the diagram of my gayness or lack thereof:

There is some shady math going on here because we were plastered, but we made allowances for errors which we subtracted to come up with a more possibly realistic number. Please remember the state of our brains because we were hammered, but this diagram clearly shows that I am only 10% gay, and she was 50% gay, but still...who is not answering whose texts here? It does me no good to find girls I like at bars and kiss them because such girls are only into kissing girls for as long as the drinks are free. I did really like her though. I would like to kiss her some more, maybe fuck her in the Blue Lion, maybe setup a threesome with Starbuck. I love you KARA THRACE. Oh well, such things are not to be.

Even XKCD has gotten into the VENN game of love with this amazingly touching and yet simultaneously disturbing diagram:


Vanilla Ice should not in any way be near any of those datasets, but hey, to each their own. Take Mr. Van Winkle, who was just arrested for a domestic dispute, off the market, and I will consider you a hero. You are taking one for the team by ensuring no one else has to fuck him. Thank you. I thank you for all women everywhere from the bottom of my heart.

My wonderful cyber friend Puck made a hilarious Venn diagram that works both Sauron and ogling my sweet ass into one beautiful graphical representation that I simply must share:


Since it's a little blurry, let me state that this graph represents: The Things Sauron Would Do for Love. Those being a) create a nice precious ring b) dominate an elf and c) ogle D_S (meaning me aka the dirty_snowflake) at every opportunity.

Finally, I leave you with a Venn Diagram from me to thee that utterly, completely, and accurately represents my sex life or lack thereof as of this very moment:

Rollie will return soon; he did fall in the trash compactor. We're fishing him out as I type this. Silly Rollie always with the nipple cannons and the wacky antics.


*Princess Out*