FUCK PETA - PART DEUX

The minute I relax my ban on anonymous comments for this blog, do I get another anonymous jagoff comment to set me off again. AND ON THE SAME POST THAT CAUSED ME TO BAN ANONS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

This person is either the same person that made the original comment and has been refreshing my blog every ten minutes for 4 months waiting for the day I allow anonymous comments again, or, and this is the more likely scenario, this person was searching for the super hot and sexy (and tacky) new PETA ad banned from the Super Bowl. I can't prove this because I haven't checked my Google Analytics yet, but I think it's more than a coincidence that the only blog I ever wrote about PETA got commented on the day after the Big Game.

Judging by the writing style of the two comments, I think they are two different people. But, they are still equally anonymous and still equally bird-brained. I wrote a blog asking provocative questions about an obviously controversial topic and the first response does nothing to attempt to answer them, and the second comment spouts some circular rhetoric that continues to not explain any opposing viewpoint whatsoever. The whole point of my blog was to say that complex issues can't be settled by cutesy four word bumper stickers, and you dumb narrow-minded dicklickers can't enter the debate with cutesy anonymous bumper sticker style comments. I mean, unless your intention is just to prove my thesis, then by all means, continue! By the way, it's funny when I use ad hominem attacks because I'm actually saying other things around the insults, but youse guyses are adding zero content to the conversation.

"Hate is a strong word generally used by weak people."
Is it? Anonymous? IS IT? I think cutesy rhetoric is a stall tactic typically used by people with no original substance of their own. Are you channeling Yoda or Dr. Phil here? I guess hate is a strong word. In the context of my PETA blog, it's more of a provocative word. But what in your evidence kit proves that something is weak about me? That I ask difficult questions? That I can take an observation on 4 words and turn it into a 400 word blog? That from my little laptop in New Jersey I was able to evoke a response from someone sitting 3,000 miles away in Portland, Oregon, reading my blog in their Firefox browser with Windows set to a 1024x768 screen resolution, 4 months after the fact? I don't know, I think those are some pretty strong echoes. Or are we talking physically strong? I know I haven't been hitting the gym lately, but I bet I can still beat you in arm wrestling, mamby pamby. Look what you did, you made me the Priceline Negotiator. (Sidenote: is "Love" a strong word generally used by weak people?)

"Treat others as you wish to be treated."
Are you talking about me, or are you trying to contribute to debate at hand here? Or did you just open a fortune cookie? All right, I'll bite. I don't want anything to kill me, so I try my damndest not to kill innocent creatures. When the RoBeastress finds a bug in her apartment, I put it in a cup and walk it down the stairs and release it back into the world. But if there's a mosquito sucking blood out of my arm, I kill the motherfucker. Do I feel a little bad? Yeah. But do I regret defending my own health and safety? Not at all. I eat meat and vegetables too. I didn't go slaughter the cow myself, and I didn't yank the carrot from its happy home in the ground with my own two hands either, but I've got a human life to sustain here, and I don't regret that either. One day I'm going to be worm food, and don't think they're going to stop to think about your cute little adage.

"If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all."
You still haven't said anything of substance at all, so I certainly can't accuse you of being a hypocrite here. Dude, get real. This is my fucking blog. I can say whatever I want, thanks to a rad amendment to the United States Constitution. I made a lot of points in my original blog before concluding that PETA was a bunch of fuckfaces (which, while crotchety, was obviously tongue-in-cheek) but you seem to have nothing to say about them. Does that mean you're exercising your own advice? Because really, if you have something not nice to say, I think I can handle it. I mean, your colleague called me a Fuckface (original, btw) and I didn't even cry. There are people way meaner in the world than me that actually preaching their ignorance to a much larger audience. If you have so much energy, I think you've got bigger fish to fry. Errr... bigger soy to boil?

"Really."
Yeah, really!

"Prove me wrong by not leaving a small-minded, belittling, sarcastic comment in response."
Prove what wrong? YOU STILL HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING!

I'll satisfy your curiosity now by leaving a large-minded, embiggening, earnest comment in response: Fuck you and Fuck PETA... doggy style. I'll continue my donating to the Humane Society instead.

Bumper Sticker? Go Fuck Yourself.

I had another highway adventure yesterday, trying to follow a car with a bumper sticker that would surely inspire a future blog entry. I failed to accurately capture the picture on my cell phone camera (which is going to start a new rule in my Honda: no driving without a digital camera in the glovebox), but I knew I'd be able to find it on the I-nets.

It was this one:

This bumper sticker is testing you. It wants to know how strong your opinions are. It asks, if your opinions on abortion are so strong then are you able to seamlessly apply them to the rest of your decisions in life? Namely, your eating habits? And if you are so confident that you can label yourself "pro-life," then it doesn't suggest, but demands that logically, you should also support the removal of meat and dairy from your diet.

It says all that?

Yes.

Unfortunately, these arguments are a little more complicated than four words, but I'll try to make sweeping generalizations in the interest of time and desire to be sort of apolitical (because most RoBeasts equally use their right and left wing). So here comes my brain not on drugs (many questions):

Pro-life. What does it mean? Does it mean you don't support abortions or does it mean you don't have abortions? Or, as the bumper sticker suggests, is being Pro-Life more than just taking a stand on abortion? Does it mean you support anything that allows or encourages life or denies or slows the spread of death (such as executing a serial killer to keep them from killing many others, or stem cell research) or does it mean you don't think anything should be purposely killed? What about things accidentally killed? What about things you don't even realize you're killing? Where do you draw the line at life? When you're born? When you're conceived? Is a fetus alive? Is a fungus? How about a salmon? How about samonella? Does Pro-Life just apply to things with a face? Or just things that have nervous systems? Do you kill to save your own life? Are you doing what you can to be immortal? But if that requires chopping off another guys head? Does Pro-life=Anti-Death?

Pro-Life? Avoid mouthwash.

Pro-Life? Don't play frisbee in the park 'cause you're probably stepping on ants.

Pro-Life? Swallow a tapeworm.

Here's the thing. There's just not enough room on a bumper to have a real discussion about issues so big. Maybe every single person that bought one of those bumper stickers feels exactly what it says, but that's not the end of the argument. I was really tempted to walk up to the guy while stuck in traffic and say "Explain yourself," but someone probably would've stole my car. Can that many people really think it's that simple? Or have they have all just went through the same thought process I did and found themselves satisfied when they arrived at the bumper sticker's conclusion?

I hate you PETA and your oversimplified, hypocritical, cutesy bumper stickers.

Pro-life? Go tell a vegan that plants were alive once too.

Fuckfaces.