Bumper Sticker? Go Fuck Yourself.

I had another highway adventure yesterday, trying to follow a car with a bumper sticker that would surely inspire a future blog entry. I failed to accurately capture the picture on my cell phone camera (which is going to start a new rule in my Honda: no driving without a digital camera in the glovebox), but I knew I'd be able to find it on the I-nets.

It was this one:

This bumper sticker is testing you. It wants to know how strong your opinions are. It asks, if your opinions on abortion are so strong then are you able to seamlessly apply them to the rest of your decisions in life? Namely, your eating habits? And if you are so confident that you can label yourself "pro-life," then it doesn't suggest, but demands that logically, you should also support the removal of meat and dairy from your diet.

It says all that?

Yes.

Unfortunately, these arguments are a little more complicated than four words, but I'll try to make sweeping generalizations in the interest of time and desire to be sort of apolitical (because most RoBeasts equally use their right and left wing). So here comes my brain not on drugs (many questions):

Pro-life. What does it mean? Does it mean you don't support abortions or does it mean you don't have abortions? Or, as the bumper sticker suggests, is being Pro-Life more than just taking a stand on abortion? Does it mean you support anything that allows or encourages life or denies or slows the spread of death (such as executing a serial killer to keep them from killing many others, or stem cell research) or does it mean you don't think anything should be purposely killed? What about things accidentally killed? What about things you don't even realize you're killing? Where do you draw the line at life? When you're born? When you're conceived? Is a fetus alive? Is a fungus? How about a salmon? How about samonella? Does Pro-Life just apply to things with a face? Or just things that have nervous systems? Do you kill to save your own life? Are you doing what you can to be immortal? But if that requires chopping off another guys head? Does Pro-life=Anti-Death?

Pro-Life? Avoid mouthwash.

Pro-Life? Don't play frisbee in the park 'cause you're probably stepping on ants.

Pro-Life? Swallow a tapeworm.

Here's the thing. There's just not enough room on a bumper to have a real discussion about issues so big. Maybe every single person that bought one of those bumper stickers feels exactly what it says, but that's not the end of the argument. I was really tempted to walk up to the guy while stuck in traffic and say "Explain yourself," but someone probably would've stole my car. Can that many people really think it's that simple? Or have they have all just went through the same thought process I did and found themselves satisfied when they arrived at the bumper sticker's conclusion?

I hate you PETA and your oversimplified, hypocritical, cutesy bumper stickers.

Pro-life? Go tell a vegan that plants were alive once too.

Fuckfaces.