October 13, 2012

Fiber Plus One = Jerk

Almost a year to the date after The Great Smart Pop/Smart Balance Hullabaloo of 2011, I've discovered the next great grocery store non-controversy from Kellogg's Department of Uncreativity*.

Hey, I got an idea. I want to make a tasty bar with fiber in it, but with chocolate or something sweet on top to get people to eat it! And I'll put like, I don't know, 35% of a person's daily value of fiber in it and then circle it to draw real attention to it! And then I'll take a picture of it, pull it halfway apart so you can see the strings of moist, juicy goodness** and put that on the box! Hmm, what will I call it? I don't know... Fiber-something! It doesn't matter as long as it's one syllable and tricks people into thinking they're buying a Fiber One bar***! I'LL BE RICH!!!!!!!!!!!!


The Ghost of W.K. Kellogg

* Unlike the popcorn entry, the boxes' adjacency is not staged for the photo.


*** Note that at the right edge of the first photo, a box of Fiber Max bars is lurking. This is a generic America's Choice brand bar and is therefore exempt from my criticism.

October 2, 2012

RoBeast Review: Mönkey Business Crüe - Kickstart My Hart

From the self-referential title down to the album cover artwork, this collection from Mönkey Business Crüe may be Gary Hart and Co.'s most obscure, outdated, and scandalous work ever. No stars. Stay away. Do not purchase under any circumstances!