March 20, 2014

Star Wars Product Asks You To Search Your Feelings

I spotted this Star Wars product in Target the other day. I'm not totally sure what it is, but it was in the Bath section near shower caddies, so I'm guessing it's used to tote around the cleaning products that wash off your rebel scum.

I was drawn to it not just because of its enigmatic function, but because of the unusual choices for the artwork panels. All four sides feature familiar Star Wars' moments, but they're seen through the rare perspective of the villain. Han appears at both ends of his character spectrum--vulnerable and frozen in carbonite, and cocky in the Cantina. But is Boba Fett simply admiring his handiwork, or is the bounty hunter entranced by Han's inescapable sadness? Are Greedo's wide eyes a hint that he's about to act out of rage, or is he just reacting to a unexpected attack from the scheming scoundrel?

The Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker is pretty much the centerpiece of the entire series, so there's nothing new to explore there, but the Stormtrooper likely about to be gunned down by a pile of blaster-toting members of the rebel alliance? I feel for him. Just look at his frown!

This is truly the saddest basket or tote or whatever it is I've ever seen. I wonder how many tears it can carry.

March 12, 2014

Snow is Cumming...

Do u have the right tool for the blow job?

(Ribbed for Mother Nature's pleasure.)

March 11, 2014

Daniel Bryan Serpico T-Shirts

Daniel Bryan's anti-authority angle has made him vaguely resemble Frank Serpico more and more over the past 9 months in both look and attitude, but his new t-shirt is more on the nose than ever. The typography of the "YES Movement" certainly borrows from Shepard Fairey's Andre the Giant "OBEY" design (which is sort of meta in and of itself), and Bryan's off-camera gaze is reminiscent of both Fairey's Obama "HOPE" poster and the iconic image Che Guevara, but my brain always goes directly to how much it looks like Al Pacino from the Serpico movie poster. In reality, Bryan has dirty blonde hair, but the image on the shirt has super dark hair. It makes me wonder how many of the visual references are intentional choices by the WWE designers and how much are just coincidences. 

I suppose we'll find out at Wrestlemania XXX when Triple H is scheduled to shoot Bryan in the face and ruin his chance for a Main Event title shot. 

March 10, 2014

Totino's Pizza Fella

I'm sure most professional wrestlers these days stay away from carbs, but I still love that they chose Sheamus to promote this--he's the same color scheme as a pizza.