December 28, 2014

BREAKING: Unbelievable Story About Cop-Killing Animals That You Won't Believe

Liberals are already up in arms about this (or maybe the problem is that they aren't up in arms about this--whichever seems worse), but Presidon't Obummer, Maywhore DeBLAHsio, and Rev. Al Sharpsdisposalcontainer can't suppress this public information.

The good people over at Officer Down Memorial Page have compiled details about in-the-line-of duty officer fatalities and since 1914 there have been an incredible overwhelming amazing and shocking number of related deaths that the left doesn't want you to know about. As it turns out, the cause of 30 fallen officers over the century were horses. We can't say this for sure, but one only has to look at the word "horse" to know that they were probably atheist liberal muslim horses that illegally crossed the border from Mexico and Africa.

We can't say this either, so here's a quote from an anonymous source inside the police force that you just have to blindly trust and add to a Facebook meme: "Horses are stealing jobs from veterans and assassinating cops on a regular basis. And the mayor isn't doing about it. Which mayor? Pick any Democrat mayor, it doesn't matter!".

Perhaps most controversial of all is the case of a policehorse named Bulb. On September 20th, 1919, Bulb threw Patrolman Christopher J. Tierney to his death while on duty in the streets of New York City. Just three years later, Patrolman Frances J. Mace was killed while riding the same exact horse. Instead of letting Bulb rot behind bars, liberals waste time pushing legislation for taxpayers to fund expensive rehabilitation programs, and look what happened. The blood of those officers is on your hands, Judge Whoever.

Even if it was spread across one hundred years, 30 DEATHS without any consideration for statistical context is still a scary high enough number for this publication to acknowledge there is a War On Cops™ and we urge you to turn your back on all horses. We know your child probably asked for a pony for Christmas and taking it back now would mean a temporary retreat in the War On Christmas™ but it is your American duty to stand your ground against all horses and their horserace-baiting civil leader Mr. Ed (or should we say, Mr. MohammED?).

Please show your support by changing your social media profile pictures to Glue until all horses are decapitated and America is taken back. And if you've gotten this far, know that the death of even a single officer is not being taken lightly, just the paranoid fear-mongering reactions to them.