August 18, 2008

Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?

I don't fucking know anymore. I called up my favorite Chinese food place tonight and got the usual response: "Hello, Goody."

I gave my usual request: "Hi, can I order for pickup, please?"

Then something very strange happened. The girl said this: "Ok, what is your phone number?" I was stopped dead in my tracks. They've never asked me for my phone number before.

"Oh, no. I'm just ordering for pickup." Maybe she misheard me?

"No, I still need your number."

I had to look at my phone. Did I dial the wrong number? No, I did not. Feeling defeated, I gave her my number and my order. She said "10 minutes."

I know this sounds like standard operating procedure, but Goody doesn't work that way. I've never had a conversation with Goody that lasted longer than 10 seconds. I've had phone calls with them when they haven't even said actual words, just brief pauses when I know the girl on the other end is nodding. Could something be wrong? Maybe they're being robbed and she is trying to communicate "WE ARE GOING TO DIE"? :(

I only waited about 4 minutes and decided to walk down, just in case. When I walked in the door, I realized that I should've called the police--all of my Chinese neighbors had been kidnapped and replaced with different Chinese people (hrmph... and Wally thinks I can't tell the difference). They had all new signs too. I was so confused.

Confused, and sad. What's happening to my neighborhood? All these million dollar condos across the street and all these weird people moving into them with their big screen TVs and no window treatments. Show offs.

And we've got new downstairs neighbors too. A couple, I'm told. I haven't seen them yet, but I heard a dog bark when I walked into the building entrance. Great. I hope they break up and the one that leaves takes the dog.

Once I have trouble finding a parking space, I'm fucking out of here.


Cyrus2342 said...

Reminds me of that old Steven Wright joke about how everything in his apartment was stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

Alan said...

At least you don't have the Daily News saying your neighborhood is a cheap place for Hipsters to live. I'd take the couple over those filthy Hipsters any day.