August 15, 2008

Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Too Many Wars in One Title

To hype up Star Wars: The Clone Wars coming out this weekend, SpikeTV put on Episode 1 (The Phantom Menace, I think) the other day. I hadn't seen it since it first came out, and I needed a distraction on the treadmill, so I gave it a shot. I really didn't remember too much of it (except that it's not terribly good) but it got me thinking. What order are you supposed to show the films to your kids? In release date chronology, or plot chronology? (I haven't seen The Clone Wars yet, so I'm not sure if it will actually figure in the formula).

It was somewhere around my second mile of running that I decided that I will just have to have two kids (twins, if possible), sequester them separately, and show them both order versions, then wait 30 years to see which better adjusts to the world. Unfortunately, they will have only been the guinea pigs in this experiment and their kids will be the first generation to actually benefit from our findings. That's providing they even have kids (I'm assuming whichever child watches the films in order of plot chronology will probably end up in jail). This should probably be a double blind experiment so I don't end up loving one of the kids more than the other.

So I jumped online to see how new parents are dealing with this Most Important Problem Facing Our Generation Today (yes, even more important than Phantom Cell Phone Syndrome) and just as I suspected, most people are recommending to view the films in the order they were made, just like they did growing up.

Wait, I'm going to go get an egg sandwich. Here, study the Leia Tit Grab while I'm gone.

Ok, what was I talking about? I'm now mesmerized by the packaging on the bottle of the new orange juice I'm trying. Simply Orange (a division of Minute Maid, owned by Coca-Cola).
Yeah, I know I should be drinking fewer things encased by plastic, but I wanted to branch out. Whatevert, it tastes good, and if I look at it really quick, it reads Slimy Orange.

Anyway, so Star Wars. I started to look online and the overwhelming amount of people want to raise their kids on Star Wars the exact same way that they were. While I sort of agree that it's a good order, it sort of feels too traditional. Just because it was good enough for us, doesn't mean it should be good enough for our kids. Still, I don't want my kids watching the prequels first because they just aren't that great.

I did find one poster that made a great case for a third option. This guy proposes the playlist this way: 4, 5, 1, 2, 3, 6. In this order, the two originals films are watched, then the three prequels serve as a very long flashback to explain the amazing Empire climax. Then we go back to Jedi for wrap-up. (By the way, that better be the original Jedi ending, not that bullshit where they altered the Ewok's "yub-nub" song.) I think this worth is absolutely worth trying, but now I've got to come up with a third kid somewhere.

Now the real question is, when I'm an old man, in which order should I show my kids R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet?


Glyphrunner said...

Watch the movies in chronological order. They'll just be confused if you go back to front.

Jay Amabile said...

i can't wait to watch all of them together in a geeky star wars marathon.

PS It was a trick question... you should never show your kids trapped in a closet cause it sucks! lol.