February 12, 2009

Stewtarded Root Beer

I don't know what's going on over at the DPS Factory, but it sure the hell ain't spellcheckin'. I spotted this today and got a little chuckle out of it:

Now I don't have an MBA, but I'm pretty sure that STEW A RAT is not a desirable name for a beverages brand. Ok, so I wasn't originally planning to take a picture of this and post it because it was a simple spelling error. I make mistakes all the time and let them fly into the pubic area*, so I didn't want to pick on anybody. I'm not the asshole that anonymous PETA supporters portray me as, after all.

Amazingly though, it turns out that I am the asshole this time, because I did in fact take pictures, and I did in fact upload them to My Verizon Pix Place, then I did in fact download them, and I did in fact upload them one by one through Blogger's weak image upload tool. Why? Because two feet away from the mislabeled 24-pack of Stewart's Diet Orange Soda, I spotted another typo!

Stooowurrzzzizzz Black Cherry! I double chuckled and then started desparately digging through my stockpile o' soft drinks for more mistakes, but I only found the correct versions.

Not funny. I hope the person that is in charge of imprinting these cardboard cases is mispelling the brand name on purpose. I hope it's a disgruntled employee getting his or her kicks by warping the image of the hand that feeds him or her. He or she should get a promotion to king or queen. And then we should worship his or her hairy or manicured feet.

Here is my warped Stewart's Root Beer wish list:

STARWAR'S Diet Cream
SEAWART'S Key Lime
SEWERRAT'S Birch Beer
STREETARSE'S Grape
SWEETASS Ginger Beer
SEEWETTWATS, Cherries & Cream

If that existed, I would collect that shit like Snapple Caps (my favorite of which, and technically, the only Snapple cap I've ever really saved was the one with the Real Fact "Beavers were once the size of bears")... Speaking of Snapple Caps, moments after the Stewart's debacle, I spotted a case of Snapple Lemon Iced Tea... with green caps?


Another error at the DSP Factory? Call me a completely insane person who obsesses over beverages all fucking day long, but I thought the Snapple cap scheme went thusly:

Blue Cap - Iced Tea
Green Cap - Juice Drink
Yellow Cap - Lemonade
White Cap - All Diet Products

Who dares to fuck with the system? And how are blind people going to pick out the right flavor now? Inquiring minds want to know.

* public arena

3 comments:

100monkeys said...

SWEETARSE'S should be some kind of chocolate soda. Surely Stewart's makes one! I don't know what STARWAR'S should be but it should smoke like dry ice and be blue.

djchongita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
djchongita said...

Make mine a SWEETASS GINGER. me likes a fire crotch