March 2, 2012

RPM 2012

Wow... February 2012 was the first month I didn't post a single blog. Fortunately, Teh_Beauty came out of hibernation and saved the planet!

I was pretty busy all month with this year's entry in the Record Production Month Challenge, my third time participating. I put up some YouTube videos in the early stages of songwriting, but never got around to discussing the process here. Sorry! The record's all done now, so it's too late to turn back time.

To make up for my neglect, I have decided to post all of the lyrics for the album right here, right now. I don't know if that's really a fair trade, but it kills two birds with one rock and roll. If you're interested in the album, it's a free download called After All The Worrying. Donate if you want. Here are the lyrics:

Jupiter, the King of Beers
Nuclear Pepsi Clear
The moon has 4G’s and is made of processed cheese
All the ink dripped on the page spelled liquid rage
And the writing on the wall fueled the flame
The advancing age of space taking aim
Another blowout-ending game
Fig Newtons' anti-matter
Enterprising deals from Shatner
At the bottom of the black hole, Spaghettios
Sold. Virgo Coke. Cold Pluto Cheerios.
Gold gogo in Vitro. Go.
All the crumbs dropped on the page--edible rage
And the writing on the wall fed the flame
The advancing age of space taking aim
Another blowout-ending game today
Hooray! Obey? OK!


The early bird got up at six, just before sunrise, shut off the alarm clock and
Went out to catch a big worm and cooked it with the Foreman Grill, watching her cholesterol
The other bird chilled out and snoozed for a while despite the
College kids yammering, construction crews hammering
He’ll get a can of worms later from the vending machine at work
or the gym or the bar at the lanes
Not the gas station
No, probably not, uh-uh
Well, they’re five cents cheaper so maybe it’s worth it
No, almost forgot...
The last time the damn can had expired and they wouldn’t pay him back 
Unless he filled out a long form
After all the worrying, the day went off without a hitch, nothing unusual
Most worms got eaten up, the rest went in Tupperware, and put into the fridge
3 days 'til vacation so they’ll have to eat it soon
the dishes are done, and the local team won
the lights are going out, now the birds are gonna fuck


This baby doesn’t like your face too much
umbilical cord gonna tie you up
swinging from the end of your French braid
then choking you ‘til you can’t relate
No sitting in the corner just to wait around
there's pictures of eyeballs in need of scratching out
practicing for the pee pee dance
and spiking the punch with my underpants
Go, Spidernanny, go! No, Spidernanny, no!
Suckle nipple belt buckles then beat the milk out of my ass
Come and climb diaper mountain with me
I swear it’s easy as on TV
When we get to the top I’ll give you a kiss,
With some shit in my grin and snot on my lips
Cockeyed liver dick shriveled mistress. Son of a bitch.


Johnny thanked God that Friday was over
2AM and still somehow sober
Cabs and cans discarded in the street
Darkened sky but glitter on concrete

A.S.S. Parade... start it up every other day
A.S.S. Parade... you’ve got to wait to walk away

You moved it then. Move it again.
Cut your teeth on the city’s curbjob
Save your change and argue with space hogs
Man in the mirror shuffling the sheep
Leg of lamb that Johnny just can’t sweep
Y.O.U. gotta move it for the A.S.S. Parade, now move it, baby
A is for Alternate, S is for some other shit
Sometimes it’s the Side that’s best, sometimes you slide in what’s left
I guess the other letter makes the lyrics better but
instead of one in governmental records
I choose something less akin to Chinese checkers
bouncing back and forth like the balls of Boris Becker
A racket indeed, yeah, even free parking feeds greed
No sleep ‘til sweeping...


He should be King Asshole
She’s so flexible
Older than they look carrying school books home
Clear plastic phones, promise ring, touch tone, hot pink hormones

Rick plus Deborah
Love forever
Stayed together through high school
April Fools

They would be Class Couple
Indestructible kisses on the cheek
Tearful horror weekends and cameramen
Over-privileged friends inside instead
Bridges they fall and transcend


Meat deceased won’t season their Caesar
The plant in the audience is a real crowd pleaser
Instant fun, an infamous fable
The message for son: "There’s a mess left on the table."

Yummy Mommy good
Mmm... my tummy’s full
Fold rice paper food
Origami Umami
Goblins give chase to the human racers
Opposable thumbs hold disposable razors
The roughest shit, roughage-richened
Fast for son, feast in the kitchen
Yummy Mommy good
Mmm... my belly’s full
Mold rice paper moon
Origami Umami

A phantom hawk sees fancy tomahawks
A fantasy for fans of the quick brown fox

Fox fucks folks--no film at eleven.

Stuffed fruit tart, handcuffed esposa
Die hard hearts lie on soft sofas
Tough on grease, tougher on Greasers
The next song you hear will be called "Heaters"


Your fiancée called up and asked to keep an eye on you,
So we rented a van and a non-union camera crew to find out what you do.

After a week of watching, we got you where we want you today
So don’t pretend to be shocked when we confront you to say:

"Don’t leave the heater on ‘cause heaters get hot."


I threw my guitar into the trunk
Pissed off ‘cause tonight’s show stunk
          Just your average holiday disaster
No longer one inch punch drunk
on power chords for fickle punks
          I stopped at a bar and there appeared the Master

Bruce Lee, Lee Ving -- Fists of beer and fury
We’ll beat The Big Boss’s beef baloney
Bruce Lee, Lee Ving -- Fists of beer and fury
We love living and death in the city

Qi for cheating, Jeet Kune G-String
Green Tea bagging, Fear my Little Dragon

I threw my ass back on the stage
Burned the rule book page by page
           Took my shots and damn, they went down faster
Stared into the lights and gave a quick wave
For Martial farts from that mystical sage
           Fuck Christmas to all and thank you Bruce, you bastard


Revolution less than nine
Politicians scramble to cosign your throne
Default loans. You fought Gods on the ledge...

Hello Client 9 from up there in outer space.
We'll see you out sometime but I bet it'll be another bad, no good fucking place

One dumb look, another dead and gone.
Et cetera...

The debutantes wear his white dress while the wife drowns.

Could you sit still when the cloud went by?
Would you sit back and watch them all die?
Mama, there’s no heaven so I’ll do everything that I can.

Time’s not standing still, so I’m standing up
Time’s not standing still, so I’m standing tall

Didn’t you run when they looked to you for help?
Why not search the universe inside yourself?
Mama, there’s no prophecy so I’ll do it the way I want to.

What is good? What is evil?
Not praise. Not sin.
The war, the people
Science will win.

Bring out your dead.
All your ideas are dead.

Hands of God hide façade.

(all lyrics reprinted with permission of myself ©2012)

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