January 26, 2012

You Are What You Eat

I have a lot of favorite cereals, but I'm not really a brand loyalist. I tend to buy whatever is on sale, whether that be Kellogg's® Rice Krispies® or Johnny Generic's Crispy Rice. Admittedly, most of the time I'm pretty much just scanning the prices, but as a fan of parody and kitsch, I do take a minute to peruse the crazy names of generic cereals. Typically, generic cereals are named what they literally are - Puffed Rice! Sugar Flakes! Bunch O' Cinnamon Squares! Here is honey nut toasted oats in all its lowercase America Generica's Choice glory:

Boring? Sure, but I know exactly what I'm getting for $1.99 with my A&P Bonus Savings Club Card. 

Sometimes the generics thrown in a wacky word that add nothing but the potential to capitalize on a similarly named cereal (I guess you could mistake "Scrunchy" for "Cap'n Crunch")... 

...but as silly as they want to get with the text, the name of the cereal still tells me exactly what I'm investing in without having to read any fine print--Peanut Butter Crunchy things. 

Now when I came across this box, I was at a loss:

Essentially You? Is this made of, essentially... me? They either hastily came up with some corny new age name targeting the organic market, or they have finally created The Cereal For Cannibals: Delicious, Nutritious, and Malicious.

Brings out the Dahmer in You!

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