Venting

I'm trying not to be incredibly negative about my workplace considering I only have 5 days left with them, but they can't seem to stop giving me reasons to be annoyed, so here we are.

If you don't already know, I work in the Facilities Department for a large corporation. I started almost a year ago. For as long as I've worked there, there's been a work request system in place for when people need things taken care of. It's really simple--you fill out the Facilities form and email it to the Facilities inbox, then it gets assigned internally and handled by the appropriate team member. It's important for us to have the form so we can prioritize and track the work we do, and you know, justify our existence.Yet for some reason, 95% of the employees can't seem to remember how or have no interest in following this process, even when I remind them. Here's one of 17 hundred thousand times I've gone through this (all edits in red, obviously):

First problem, she stopped by my boss' office instead of emailing the Facilities Inbox. Second problem, she emails my boss instead of emailing the Facilities Inbox. Third problem, no form attached. Guess what? My boss is fucking busy with high-level building work all the time and isn't sitting around scanning his email for petty temperature complaints from people who can't follow the simple request process.

Predictably, he's not going to do anything about this except forward it to me...at 6pm, when I'm already gone for the day.


And when I see your sucky email next morning and see there's no form attached, I'm going to remind you that you're doing it wrong and let you try it again.

Even though I've attached the form and sent off an unsympathetic email to her, I'm still going to go investigate the problem without waiting for the form because I'm not an asshole. Also because I know she's most likely never going to fill it out, or will fuck it up somehow and complain to my boss.

In this case, she fucked it up. She filled out the form, but then emailed it to me, not the inbox I clearly indicated in the previous email. From 9am - 12pm, I was not at my desk--I was off doing work elsewhere. Then I took a lunch break. Her email at 9:47am could have said "Help me, I'm on fire and I'm going to burn to death soon" but I would not have seen it until 12:30pm. However, if she had sent that to the Inbox on the top of the form like I said, someone would have seen it and responded accordingly. But instead, I have to now expand my lecture and use italics.

Clear?

Clear as mud, apparently. Also, notice she's removed my boss from the chain.

Yes, I actually copy/pasted the form she filled out, circled the instruction she seemed to have missed twice, and reiterated its location--"Top of the form." How much more time can possibly be wasted by ignorance? The work could have been completed the day before if she did it right the first time.

Really? The way I worded the email? I'm pretty sure I worded it in a way that a 4-year old would have understood. I didn't respond to this, because it probably would have said "Fuck you, and fuck your company too." And maybe a smiley face. :)

Five days left...

Drinks, Touches, and Leaves

I swear I never laid a hand on Sandy.

All right, you got me. I quit.

Douche Nozzle

I came across some silly clip art today while attempting to make an "Out of Order" Powerpoint slide for a broken water dispenser and was tempted to post this sign in the company cafe area:



Look at how happy that guy is!

Indeed I did.

When the United States decided to become politically correct, office furniture companies started calling that piece of furniture under your desk where you keep your pencils and files a "storage pedestal" instead of the more popular term, "drawers." This is why:

Passive-Aggressive Signs, RoBeast Style

Here at Kindergarten, I mean work, we have a lot of folks that don't know how to keep their greasy paws off of things they shouldn't be touching. When they book a conference room too small for their meetings, they steal chairs from people's desks. When they don't how to put their laptop in presentation mode, they press every button and change all the settings on the projector. When they don't know how to power down a video conference unit, they just rip out all the plugs.

Yes, some of those solutions are successful shortcuts to immediate gratification if you have the brain of a puppy or an infant--it's just not as cute when the offender is an adult with a college degree and a high-paying salary. And so, as the increasingly disgruntled discoverer of these mindless acts in my building, I have to resort to language and pictures that animals and children understand in the vain attempt of preventing more damage from occurring in the future. It's a shame that it comes to passive-aggressive signage, but at least it keeps me from smashing my chair in the window.



(In case you can't see the last one, it reads "You don't win friends by disconnecting cables. Please leave them the way you found them." The graphic of the sad, lonely girl makes it particularly touching. I'll try to update the photo another day.)

One Pill Makes You Larger...

Found these 'pills' while cleaning out someone's cubicle the other day. At least I didn't find cyanide capsules.

Interoffice Mail

I couldn't fit this in the interoffice envelope. D'ya think they'll take it anyway?