CONFIRMATION? OH NOES!

I was attacked by the confirmation troll again. OH NOES!

(spotted that mask at a Party City, by the way)

Hi Robeast:
Please see below. L___ is out of the office this week and, therefore, the contact for the videoconference on Thursday is L___-____. Please confirm once this has been confirmed. Thanks.

No. Thank you. I don't know what to do first. Confirm the confirmation, or have the confirmation confirmed? This logic makes me want to run over myself.

I almost really ran a girl over last Saturday. It would have been 100% her fault had it actually happened. I was in the right lane on a two-lane one-way street at a 4-way intersection on a dark, snowy, icy day in Hoboken. The light turned green and I started to go. I didn't realize that some dumb fucking pedestrian decided to cross against the light until she was nearly doubled over onto my hood. She didn't actually touch the car at all, so I felt no reason to berate her frozen brain cells for telling her that her body is stronger than a car's any further than however stupid she probably felt on her own.

I have no sympathy for people that don't follow simple rules like "Cross at the green, and not in between." As a driver, I have 56 potential points of conflict that I need to be aware of at a 4 way intersection. I know this because it says so right here:

Engineers calculate that a four-way intersection has 56 potential points of what they call "conflict," or as Vanderbilt says, "the chance for you to run into someone" — 33 places to hit a car and 24 spots to hit a pedestrian.

As a pedestrian, all you have to do is look up at the fucking Walk or Don't Walk sign, or god forbid, the pretty colored light at the intersection, then look both ways (or in this case, one way!) to make sure the drivers are following the rules too. Then, have your brain either tell your legs to go or not. It's a lot easier for you to stop moving than it is for me and my 4-door death machine. Had I been approaching the intersection already in motion instead of from a stopped position, I surely would not have been able to stop in time. Actually, the SUV in the left lane probably would've nailed her first, so I guess I had nothing to worry about. Maybe I'll put up an exciting diagram sometime later this week.

All right, if anyone hasn't seen this yet, now you're seeing it.

No excuses. Unless you get hit by a car. My car.

I should also mention now that it's taken me an hour to get this post correctly formatted. Blogger gets confused when I try to use ultra-demanding features like italics, or a different font for a few lines. I am also clearly pushing Blogger to its extremes by copying text that I wrote in Microsoft Word and pasting it into its own text editor. Thank you Blogger for keeping up with my demanding blog lifestyle. You are a car, Blogger, and I am once again bowled over. Thanks.

Sober the Sasquatch

that phrase kinda reminds me of thedillinger escape plan song "sunshine the werewolf" which was on their last album before the one that just came out. i realized last weekend that ire works is alsmost fire works. i also realized that i really like the album, though its taken me months to really appreciate it. there's like a 4-note piano break (though it's rpobably some other synthesizer setting) that gets me so excited in the morning i want to jump from my honda on route 80 and run all the way back home while the car sails solo down the exit to my office. the song is "Lurch" but they don't do the piano part live. the pause is at 1:30 in the video.

Hella is a band that i recently discovered on emusic and they are certainly a band who will Go Down on You in a Theater. i should say the last band i discovered on emusic because, much like an autoerotic asphyxiator, I went out on self-suspension. dadadum. wait that reminds me. the new coolest sound in the world is the ultimate warrior going baaaaaa! listen to it. it is going to officially replace every other sound in the world. my world at least. im going to say it during sex from now on.

speaking of saying ridiculous things during sex, as well as things that are new2me/old2every1else, i recently got into WEEDS. the show. kevin nealon is great on it. when he yelled 'legendary' while banging whatshername from Big., i LOLed. in fact i actually laff owt lowd a good 1 to 2 times very episode. and that's a lot for me because i hate everything. the writing is fantastic, the characters are quirky and well-acted, and storylines are unconventional and unpredictable. similarly to how i don't care about the mob on the Sopranos, i don't care about the weed on Weeds. i started watching about ten days ago and i just finished up the second season. they love the cliffhangers, eh?

no segue this time. i read a great article about Dave Grohl two weeks ago in theVillage Voice. it sums up everythought i've had about the foo fighters in a the past 4 years. i'm actually quite jealous that this dude was able to articulate those feelings without sounding as bitchy AS I.

same weekend, different newspaper. article about Scrabulous from the new york Times. unfortunately i don't have a full sentence to

back to the segues---> speaking of awesome free services on the nutterwebs being threatened by the fucking man, live365.com has driven Radioprank.com off the air due to increased royalty fees. But don't worry, they have taken up residency on loudcity instead. on my lonely girlfriend-free nights, i go to sleep listening to the sweet sexy sounds of the jerky boys, roy d. mercer, and the touch tone terrorist. it's my ambien.

hmmm.. harassment. the pink knight is email harassing me to fix the broken voltron image i apparently hotlinked in the previous blog which i suppose i'lldo when i'm finished here. i think i will activate that Google Adsense so i can start raising money to hire a staff to deal with my photolinking administrative bullshit and to respond to all of teh beauty's e-vil e-mails.

anyway this post didn't really fit into SEX WEEK,did it? well, if you consider that i typed this whole thin g using just my left hand...

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

DRUGS ARE WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

Rollie Is Grumpy and Inarticulate

A One Act AIM Play:
(Scene: 2 Lion Jockeys enter a chat room)

(END SCENE)