Fire Water Burn

Why does the last line of this weather alert sound more like an invitation than a warning?

Fire Weather Watch

Hudson (New Jersey)

URGENT - FIRE WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE NEW YORK NY
352 PM EDT THU APR 16 2009

...GUSTY WINDS AND LOW RELATIVE HUMIDITIES EXPECTED FRIDAY
AFTERNOON....HIGH PRESSURE BUILDING DOWN FROM ONTARIO WILL MAINTAIN A VERY DRY AIRMASS ACROSS THE REGION ON FRIDAY...DEVELOPING GUSTY WEST SOUTHWEST WINDS IN THE AFTERNOON. THESE WEATHER CONDITIONS...ALONG WITH DRY FINE FUELS...COULD PROMOTE RAPID WILD FIRE GROWTH IF ONE WERE TO START.

I guess I'll make sure not to start any fires tonight.

Just a quick follow-up to the Verizon post from the other day... Today I received a call from the Billing Department informing me that I have an outstanding balance and then they asked me if I'd like to make a payment today. NO I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A PAYMENT TODAY. I JUST WANT YOUR TWO STUPID DEPARTMENTS TO USE THE SAME FUCKING DATABASE SO I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MY SITUATION FOR THE SPERMILLIONTH* TIME.

"Oh yes, I see the $330 equipment charge right here," he said.

Good, now stick it in your very dry ass where it could promote rapid wild fire growth, if one were to start.

* - I haven't decided exactly how "Spermillion" is going to be defined, but I assure you that you'll hear it here first. By the way, you are reading what Blogger is calling Beauty and the RoBeast's 200th entry. I know there a good handful that were never actually posted, but it lumps them right in with the total post count. I'm not going to go back and count all of our posts either, but I can assure you that it's less than 200, and way less than a Spermillion. Regardless, I want to thank everyone for reading and keeping the drive alive.

Armenian Gladiolas

I'm really bummed out because I just discovered that American Gladiators' open call casting was TWO DAYS AGO. And the deadline for video entries is in two hours. I guess that gives me a year to plot my strategy. I should start listening to American Gladiators: The Music for inspiration.

I know this sounds ridiculous, but I think I really wanted to give it a shot. Two weeks ago, I thought this show was horrible. Maybe that's part of the drive? I just don't know what's gotten into me lately that's making me want to conquer the world, but it can't be bad. I wanted to be a WWF Wrestler when I was a wee lad. The problem was I stayed a wee lad for the rest of my life. But now I'm sitting here watching this new Gladiator action on TV and I just want to grab their faces and throw them. I may be developing a Napoleon Complex ("developing," they laugh). I'm just looking at everything and thinking "I can do that." I'm just not content facing off with jerks my size anymore.

Jerks like James Madison.