September 10, 2009

Cascada - "Evacuate the Dancefloor"

Cascada's "Evacuate the Dancefloor" is poised to be the anthem for impending Swine Flu pandemic:
My body's aching/System overload/Temperature's rising/I'm about to explode... Evacuate the dance floor/I'm infected by the swine/Stop, this flu is killing me...
Is it just dumb luck that they have created the soundtrack to worldwide doom? That's what they'll have you believe. They're also dodging all Lady Gaga comparisons by saying they wrote the song at least a year ago. I'm not going to deny that the first time I heard this track, I insisted that it was Lady Gaga. Besides the obvious "dance" theme, some synthesizer sounds and vocal lines are very similar to parts of Gaga's "Just Dance." The pre-chorus of "Evacuate..." evidently features the most evident pieces of evidence. That, and the sections of the song where random dudes take over lead vocals. This occurs at nearly identical points of both songs (2:04 Gaga, 2:09 Cascada). Either their songwriting is so unoriginal that they've accidentally stumbled on the exact same formula, or something is rotten in Denmark's Southern neighbor Germany, home country of recording artists Cascada.

Or maybe it's a complete coincidence, I don't know. Cascada's random dude actually gets an extended nasal mediocre rap which serves to break up what was almost FIVE FUCKING CHORUSES IN A ROW. Gaga's track actually breaks down even further and nearly loses sight of itself order to hide its own FIVE FUCKING CHORUSES IN A ROW. Hey Jude, write some more lyrics!

The biggest problem I have with "Evacuate the Dancefloor" is that I can't effectively mock the chorus. I want it to be "Evacuate on the Dancefloor" or "Ejaculate on the Dancefloor" but the phrasing doesn't exactly fit. Another nitpick is that my spellcheck insists ""dancefloor is not one word. (It also insists "spellcheck" is not one word, but that's another story). At least Cascada is consistent--their last big hit, "Everytime We Touch" should have been four words. I can't wait for their greatest hits package, "Everytime We Touch Eachother Alot on the Dancefloor is Alright!"

Not that anyone is asking me to choose, but when it comes down to it, I prefer the Gaga tune. Cascada just sounds too happy and upbeat for me. The beat is not even slightly killing her and she clearly doesn't want Mr. DJ to stop, so why be coy? I get the impression that Lady Gaga was drugged at some point in the song and is Just Dance-ing for her life. Personally, I prefer the darker, more subtle chorus as opposed to one with in-your-face keyboards that mimic the lyrics (a lazy trend I despise these days).

Fortunately for the Cascadians, Gagamania is not running wild these days. "Just Dance" and "Poker Face" have run their course, and "Lovegame" and "Paparazzi" sound like complete gagortions, so Cascada should have no problem filling the void with this tune. But what the hell do I know? I'm just an old fart who doesn't dance but listens to Top 40 radio thinking that I'll be able to bring a refreshing perspective on it to his blog audience that doesn't listen to Top 40. So yeah, get used to this for a while.

Speaking of gagortions, watch this:


Anonymous said...

Once a dance floor becomes infected with swine flu, there is only one sure method of cleansing it: shorty fire!

Ro-Beast Rollie said...

You know, I had something in the first draft of this about "Somebody call 9-1-1" but it didn't fit. Kudos Creepo for picking up the spare.

Speaking of Panic at the Disco... nothing.