FAILING

I am still failing at health, which is causing me to take NyQuil, which is causing me to fail at sleep, hence, wide awake at 7 am on Sunday morning. I keep having insane dreams about rock 'n' roll, gymnastics, New Years, arson, and aviation. Lots of rapid fire action. It's the void that gets filled because I don't watch TV.

I was planning to get new glasses this weekend, but I can't motivate myself to do it. I only get glasses when I need them, ie. my prescription jumps dramatically, old glasses snap in half from sleeping on top of them too much, or the time I developed an eye callus and was banned from wearing contacts for 6 months starting immediately in the optometrist's chair and had to walk 10 blocks in NYC blind, by myself, and with dialated pupils to the glasses place. So I always pick the cheapest, quickest glasses in the store. This is the first time I'll be shopping for glasses that I just want to look good. Get it? LOOK GOOD! OMG I RULE.

No, actually, I fail, as I mentioned before. I went to Lenscrafters' incredibly annoying website to browse frames, rather than walk the half-block to the actual Lenscrafters store and have to come in to contact with salespeople. This was just as frustrating though. I didn't know what I was looking for and therefore had no direction. Normally when I shop I know exactly what I'm looking for and have to just dig until I find it. I rarely employ the shopping blind technique. Much to my surprise, I discovered a quiz designed to help me learn my "frame personality." Awesome!

Not exactly. Not since the SATs have I seen a more culturally biased quiz.

I couldn't answer any question except for number 10, so I gave up on the whole thing and played Tetris instead. Tetris is something that did not me fail me, though it nearly drove me insane. I dialed in on the Tetris Sprint challenge where you need to complete 40 lines in the fastest time possible. My current record was just under 2 minutes. Playing solo was boring, so I went to the area where you play other people. This always makes me play faster, partially because of the competition, but also because the screen is smaller and the next piece is closer to my peripheral vision. Unfortunately, any record breaking time in multiplayer mode would not be reflected in my solo scores. I had several excellent times, so I went back to solo ready to conquer the world (the sad world that only I live in).

I could not do it though. I hit a wall and I hit it hard. For about 3 hours I could not break 2 minutes. Lifetime Movie starring Tracy Gold after Lifetime Movie starring Tracy Gold repeated in the background of the room while I stared at falling colored blocks. The RoBeastress washed her laundry and gave me dirty looks. Then she dried her laundry and the looks grew more concerned. Then she folded her laundry and pleaded out of desperation for me to stop playing Tetris. "I can't stop until I break my record." I said, "Then we can do anything you want."

I finally cried Uncle calling Tetris Fatigue and backed off the computer. The RoBeastress was happy, but I knew I would be thinking about that unbroken record for the rest of the night. I looked back at the laptop and realized that backing away from the screen may be just what I needed to win. Sitting farther away recreated the smaller screen used in multiplayer mode and I quickly beat that damn score, jumped up in the air and threw my fists up victoriously. 40 lines in 1:50.22. Maybe I sound insane, but this made me so incredibly happy on an angry Saturday. I think I'm going to get one of these "Don't Mess With Tetris" T-shirts.

Next post, I'll tell how we celebrated my victory (no, it wasn't more Tracy Gold Lifetime Movies).

Urgent US State Department Warning!

September 18, 2008

This Travel Warning updates information on security threats and ongoing political violence in Pakmanistan and informs U.S. citizens of current safety and security concerns.  The Department of State continues to urge that Americans avoid all travel to Pakmanistan.  Americans who live and work in Pakmanistan presently should understand that they are accepting risks in remaining and should carefully consider those risks. Please try to avoid Ghosts, if possible, and above all, do not get eaten!

The RoBeast vs. Wikipedia: Round Two

All of the Wikipedia vandalism descibed in my last entry was reverted overnight. The person who edited them back was kind enough to call it "cute" and didn't ban my IP address. Of course, I wasn't satisfied with my vandalism lasting less than 24 hours, so like any gambling addict would, I didn't quit while I was ahead.

I first hit up the Megan's Law page:

Not as cute, I suppose. It was reverted within seconds. As was this:


I (or should I say, my anonymous IP address) received another warning, but still haven't been banned or anything. I have discovered that there are people patrolling these Wikipedia pages with anti-vandalism tools that catch shit within seconds of an edit. I suppose I can either stop vandalizing pages, find less popular pages, or teach the world to get a sense of humor.

Let's see if The Used's fans can handle another benign attack...


I don't know what it is that I find so hilarious about Wikipedia vandalism besides my obvious problem with authority and penchant for smartassedness. I don't laugh too hard at most stand-up and am typically unimpressed by the average comedy film. I like to think that my sense of humor is a little dark and sophisticated. But on Wikipedia, the most simple, lowest common denominator-style vulgarity or non-sequitur makes me laugh my ass off.

For instance, someone made an edit to the Stemshorn page that made me chortle. There's really nothing to the page (which I guess is what made it a target), other than a map and some text:

Stemshorn is a municipality in the district of Diepholz, in Lower Saxony, Germany.

Someone changed this to:

Stemshorn is a municipality in the district of Diepholz, in Lower Saxony, Brazil.

It was reverted. He was warned. A week later the same user changed it to this:

Stemshorn is a fucking awesome species of reindeer located district of Diepholz, in Lower Saxony, Germany.

The second edit really got me going. It may be the tenacity of the vandal that excites me. I can identify with that underdog mentality. The person knows that it's going to be reverted again, but just can't resist doing again, and even one-upped himself (or herself). It's not just the attitude, but the context that's funny. It's such a serious, boring page, that any little piece of flair shines. The word "fucking" blatantly undermines the "Quiet! in the Library" attitude and puts a smile to my face (not so much with Panic! at the Disco though). The word "reindeer" is pretty silly too. And, I don't know... this person may be telling the truth. Maybe the Stemshorn is a species of reindeer. And maybe it is fucking awesome! I don't know, but I think that your average 5th grader knows not to quote Wikipedia for their fucking report on Germany, so there. Victim-less crime.

Like I said last time, it's all for the lulz, so I won't spend too much arguing on the moral implications of internet vandalism. I'm also going to keep doing it as long as I can do it humorously. My Q*Bert McCracken was reverted after 50 minutes and I the Erff is still alive and kickin'.

The Stemshorn vandal received a 31(?)-hour suspension from editing pages on Wikipedia.

The RoBeast terrorizes Wikipedia

I've been perusing Wikipedia for about an hour now looking for a page to vandalize (yes, I'm bad to the bone). I'm basically just looking for a really boring page that hasn't been updated in a long time so I can throw a funny word or two into a paragraph that won't be malicious or slanderous, and more importantly, won't be noticed or fixed right away. Ok, I know vandalism is inherently malicious, but I'm just doing it for the lulz. If you want to argue morals with me, go right ahead. I'm that bored.

Anywhooooo, I ended up in the zoology department clicking around until I landed on the Notochord page. I considering hitting that page, but when I checked the history tab first and noticed some recent activity, I decided to pass. Some dorkus probably has it on their watchlist or something. I figured while I was there, I may as well scroll through the page and learn what a notochord is. Then I discovered some funny text on the bottom:

The notochord secretes a protein called sonic hedgehog homolog (SHH), a key morphogen regulating organogenesis and having a critical role in signaling the development of motoneurons^[1]. The secretion of SHH by the notochord establishes the ventral pole of the dorsal-ventral axis in the developing embryo.

Did someone beat me to the vandalism?

Actually, no. Sonic Hedgehog Homolog is real. And boy, did I learn my lesson. I tried to take a short cut and be a 2-bit anonymous vandal, when I could have just studied biology in college and went to years and years of grad school to discover something unique and give a silly name - THE HONEST WAY!

Ah, fuck it, I'll take the warp zone.

I'm sure Mr. Cuomo would consider this a compliment.


I'm so immature, but I just can't help myself.

1-up?

Sexy Nintendo Tattoos for Geeky Girls (NSFW!)

I'm gearing up for a new tattoo before the summer begins. While WallyChung.com works on the design for me, I'm going to throw out some tattoo ideas for other people to get. These are original, and I hope you like 'em. If this ends up not sucking, I may actually turn it into some kind of series.


First up,



a totally not safe for work exhibition



that you'll see



after voluntarily deciding



to scroll



much further



down




the




page



entitled

Sexy Nintendo Tattoos for Geeky Girls

(but you knew that already).


Last year, an Internet chum of mine named Kayla (free plug for her Dance Troupe) told me she was getting a Duck Hunt tattoo. I immediately assumed it would be this:


Kayla ended up getting something with the Light Guns much farther North, but whatever.

Please excuse the parallax view as you take a look at this Excitebike tattoo (I used the letter X in the sentence three times... and thank you caffeine for my mad fresh rhymes):


By the way, I should inform you that all of these naked models are not just vehicles for 80's Nostalgia, they are, uh... well actually they are vehicles for 80's Nostalgia. (C'mon Velma, that was a clue).


I hope you know what those are (and they power they hold)! I may not have given the answers to that Bloodsport title quiz yet, but I did leave some hints to the identity of the mystery models in the image names (unless blogger changes them).

This last one didn't come out as cleanly as I would've preferred, so I'll just tell you... it's a Tecmo Bowl Tramp Stamp!


I had to widen her hips, but that shit was so airbrushed in the first place that I don't feel a bit of guilt. Christ, I can't believe how many hours I just spent birthing this post. MS Paint and 8-bit Nintendo still do their jobs like it's 1986.

Now go tell your friends! Naked girls on the internet!