January 25, 2009


I am still failing at health, which is causing me to take NyQuil, which is causing me to fail at sleep, hence, wide awake at 7 am on Sunday morning. I keep having insane dreams about rock 'n' roll, gymnastics, New Years, arson, and aviation. Lots of rapid fire action. It's the void that gets filled because I don't watch TV.

I was planning to get new glasses this weekend, but I can't motivate myself to do it. I only get glasses when I need them, ie. my prescription jumps dramatically, old glasses snap in half from sleeping on top of them too much, or the time I developed an eye callus and was banned from wearing contacts for 6 months starting immediately in the optometrist's chair and had to walk 10 blocks in NYC blind, by myself, and with dialated pupils to the glasses place. So I always pick the cheapest, quickest glasses in the store. This is the first time I'll be shopping for glasses that I just want to look good. Get it? LOOK GOOD! OMG I RULE.

No, actually, I fail, as I mentioned before. I went to Lenscrafters' incredibly annoying website to browse frames, rather than walk the half-block to the actual Lenscrafters store and have to come in to contact with salespeople. This was just as frustrating though. I didn't know what I was looking for and therefore had no direction. Normally when I shop I know exactly what I'm looking for and have to just dig until I find it. I rarely employ the shopping blind technique. Much to my surprise, I discovered a quiz designed to help me learn my "frame personality." Awesome!

Not exactly. Not since the SATs have I seen a more culturally biased quiz.

I couldn't answer any question except for number 10, so I gave up on the whole thing and played Tetris instead. Tetris is something that did not me fail me, though it nearly drove me insane. I dialed in on the Tetris Sprint challenge where you need to complete 40 lines in the fastest time possible. My current record was just under 2 minutes. Playing solo was boring, so I went to the area where you play other people. This always makes me play faster, partially because of the competition, but also because the screen is smaller and the next piece is closer to my peripheral vision. Unfortunately, any record breaking time in multiplayer mode would not be reflected in my solo scores. I had several excellent times, so I went back to solo ready to conquer the world (the sad world that only I live in).

I could not do it though. I hit a wall and I hit it hard. For about 3 hours I could not break 2 minutes. Lifetime Movie starring Tracy Gold after Lifetime Movie starring Tracy Gold repeated in the background of the room while I stared at falling colored blocks. The RoBeastress washed her laundry and gave me dirty looks. Then she dried her laundry and the looks grew more concerned. Then she folded her laundry and pleaded out of desperation for me to stop playing Tetris. "I can't stop until I break my record." I said, "Then we can do anything you want."

I finally cried Uncle calling Tetris Fatigue and backed off the computer. The RoBeastress was happy, but I knew I would be thinking about that unbroken record for the rest of the night. I looked back at the laptop and realized that backing away from the screen may be just what I needed to win. Sitting farther away recreated the smaller screen used in multiplayer mode and I quickly beat that damn score, jumped up in the air and threw my fists up victoriously. 40 lines in 1:50.22. Maybe I sound insane, but this made me so incredibly happy on an angry Saturday. I think I'm going to get one of these "Don't Mess With Tetris" T-shirts.

Next post, I'll tell how we celebrated my victory (no, it wasn't more Tracy Gold Lifetime Movies).


kcw said...

Damn lifetime. Last night I couldn't tear away from a Lifetime movie starring Sigourney Weaver.

metheus said...

You have a problem. Seek help ;-)

Ok, but that Lenscrafter questionnaire is blowing my mind. Are you f'ing kidding me? That's totally insane! More targets for the pinhead-seeking slap-missile I'm designing.

Rachel said...

Lifetime is such bad candy. I can't help it... Bah. I'm never letting you descend into a Tetris spiral again. At least not on my time :P

Alex said...

This was one of the funniest blog entries I've read in a while. Found it via Terminus Est.