January 1, 2009

2008: Year of the Year

Album of the Year: Local H's 12 Angry Months

Unfortunately, this is an easy one. In 2007 I had three or four awesome albums that I just couldn't pick a favorite out of. This year, there was really not a lot worth noting. Nobody that put anything decent out last year did this year. There were new releases from Melvins, Don Caballero, Zach Hill, Lightning Bolt, and Genghis Tron, but nothing hit me so quickly and easily as the Local H record. The minute I popped it in the CD player, I knew this was the one to beat. I love the lyrics, the concept, the attitude, the variety, and the flow of the songs. I listen to it start to finish and experience the same up and downs as the narrator, but never get bored. Sure, some of the riffs sound familiar, but I just don't care. For someone that listens to a lot of math metal and instrumental shit, I have no regrets picking a solid rock album. The moral of 2008 - simpler is better. Moral #2: you can find awesome shit in the Used bins.

I am now going to take this opportunity to finally select Tub Ring's The Great Filter as 2007's Album of the Year, making that two AOTY's in a row from Chicago-area bands. God, I hope Hum records a new album in 2009.

Song of the Year -

This is a little more difficult. My most listened to song this year was easily Sara Bareilles' "Love Song," but it was technically released the previous year. My problem is that any time I turn on the radio I hate everything I hear. Britney is the Darth Vader of pop music - 99% machine and no real reason to keep alive. Beyonce just chants cheerleader shit over some hand claps and stomps. Pink sings the most retarded laughable garbage. All the other broads just sound the same. Rap is just as bad. I wouldn't know a Lil Wayne song if it kicked me in the balls.

On the band side, I hate everything new and/or hip. I heard the MGMT for the first time (and for the first hundred times) on my Seattle trip. I hate that "Kids" song passionately because I just can't stand 80's sounds. I'll admit that I sort of like the Kings of Leon guy's voice, but I shake my head at him saying "This sex is on fire." Even Jim Morrison is deeper than that. Worst of all is Weezer who no longer deserve amplification.

Getting a little heavier, there are albums from Metallica, Axl Rose, and AC/DC. I'm happy that Lars cleaned up his snare, but now it's taken over as the lead singer of the band. I don't even plan to comment on the other bands I just mentioned, so I'm going to end this paragraph now.

How about this - ALL ARE PUNISHED. No song of the year. Or at least I will wait a few months before declaring it.

TV of the Who Cares: America's Funniest Home Videos

I really don't watch much television. I tend to put it on as background noise and then tool on the nets. For the first third of the year, I either had Law and Order: SVU or America's Funniest Home Videos on. In the summer, it was Law and Order: CI or The Sopranos on DVD. By the end of the year, I cut down on the Law and Order (mainly because they never put on the new fucking season on USA), so I pretty much stuck to The Sopranos or whatever was on Home Shopping Network (not that I planned to buy anything, I just like to observe salespeople while they're safely behind a cage).

I did buy several television programs on DVD (Comedy Central's TV Funhouse, The Sarah Silverman Program, the rest of The Sopranos), but I don't think I watched a single new thing on Prime Time TV in 2008. Weeds is the only thing that was recommended to me that I gave a shot. I Netflixed the first 3 seasons and enjoyed it, but by the end, the storyline was losing me. Like how many more times is she going to lose all of her money, or all of her weed, or all of both? The humor is clever and dark enough to keep me watching though. Kevin Nealon is hilarious, and the younger son has a great character too. Still though, I didn't see any 2008 episodes, so I can't vote for Weeds.

So really, it was either down to Law and Order or America's Funniest Home Videos. I'm going with AFV, which I refuse to say aloud, because it is truly hilarious, even in the face of digital competition. It's consistenly more funny than mining for YouTube gold, and that just ain't easy to pull off. I know that when I turn on the TV, all the best videos of Kids and Pets or Neither are going to be prescreened, and edited for MAXILULS. For every Bert and Ernie Go Brutal video online, there's a thousand unfunny ripoffs. I don't have time to sift through the crap. AFV has even gotten edgier with Tom whatshisface as the host. His jokes are occasionally risque and the new segments are very innovative, despite the raw materials always being the same. I just hope they decide to come out with an adult version of AFV, or an uncensored online version. The competition is only going to get stiffer in 2009, and they need to continue evolving with the times.

Movie of the Year : Luchador Shiraz

I didn't see any movies in the theater at all in 2008. The last motion picture I saw was Eraserhead in December 2007 at the IFC. I tried to go see The Wrestler with the RoBeastress last night, but it was sold out (even though I insisted it wouldn't be). Instead we went and got wine. I was still angry about not getting to see the only movie I've looked forward to in a long time, so I picked up Luchador, a South Australia Shiraz, in protest. I typically don't drink red wines, but this was all right with me. There are apparently several different types of Luchador wine, each with a different wrestler pictured on the label with a funny description of his character, like such as: "Gato Loco is a world-famous orchid collector. He owns four iPods and believes vinyl is for weenies. He never buys water or women."

I know this is a wine and not a movie, but tough shit, it's my list. The wine is also from 2007, so the hits just keep coming huh? What, did you want me to put Batman or some shit on the list? Fuck Batman. Fuck Indiana Jones and fuck de fucking X-men. I bury those cockroaches.

Best Commercial of the Year When Commercials Were Decidedly More Memorable Than Any Movie or Song - Hotels.Com

I'm glad Tom Green is still an influence on today's culture. Sort of. I can't wait to act this commercial out in a hotel myself.

Worst Death of the Year - George Carlin

Shoulda been George Lopez.


Fine, Carlos Mencia then.

This list sucked, sorry. I'm in a hurry and I've got a lot blog backup and pictures to upload and boxes to unpack and paperwork to sign and hammers to drop. I'm going to try writing a couple more today and have them trigger to pop up automatically in the next few days.

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