Who Let the Dogs In?

Short answer: The Jerky Boys.

Long answer: I should've had a jream last night about getting into a car accident, or being decapitated, or some other gruesome untimely mutilation. I've always been afraid of planes and constantly think about dying in one, but a couple years ago, that obsession evolved into being fearful of all transportation. Having to drive to work every day was torture for a while. I've gotten over most of the issues and have calm panic attack-free commutes these days (I did get into one car accident, but there was no blood other than what Allstate squeezed from me).

So yesterday when a co-worker pulled me into her cube to show me some disgusting accident pictures someone emailed her, it didn't latch onto my subconscious. In fact, I chuckled when I saw how silly the corpse looked cut in half (oops). Like many grotesque internet photos (goatse, electrocuted deer on a power line, the photoshop of a woman's breast and a water lotus), the picture is still burned in my head, but it's not keeping me up at night. Not even the numerous decapitations of Hermes in the Futurama movie I watched yesterday (and by watched, of course I mean fell asleep after the first hour) ruined dreamland for me.

Instead, and for the second time in a week, I was violently awoken after being attacked by domesticated animals. Last week it was cats scratching my face off and last night it was a few large growling dogs trying to eat my face. I blame three things for having dogs on the brain:

1. A 911 call I heard a few weeks ago of an old lady being attacked by her neighbor's pit bulls
2. A Jerky Boys phone call I listened to yesterday - they dial up a dog obedience trainer and leave a message with canine growling SFX and screams of pain
3. My adorable girlfriend's adorable snore that adorably sounds like an small, adorable angry puppy

The Tylenol Cold medicine I took right before bed probably didn't help either (Jruggin' & Jreamin'). As with the cat dream, I was probably only asleep for a few minutes, but jumped up with a gasp for air and a surge of adrenaline that I just don't want at midnight before a work day. Why dogs and cats? Why do they want to kill me? What did I ever do to them?

This is the "nut opinion" (and I thank Penn Jillette for coining that phrase for Third Party Thinkers everywhere): I recently added Dogbook and Catbook to my social networking repertoire. I was already pretty wary of Facebook in the first place, but I did it anyway. All this human and pet interaction is totally freaking me out and my subconscious is now occupied by a technowarzone of Dogs, Cats, and Faces. And like Freddie Krueger, they have chosen my beauty sleep as the landscape for their dream warrior battle ground.

I should just be glad I'm not dreaming about Books.