The Frobeast Friday Fun Page

Can you spot 10 differences between these two pictures? 

Highlight the invisible text below for answers:

1. The bald eagle depicted in the first shot is alive. The bottom one is actually taxidermied.
2. The first illegal immigrant thinks Soulfly is better than Sepultura. The second one never heard of either band.
3. The white pickup truck's registration is expired in the second shot. 
4. Good Cop-Bad Cop roles have been transposed in the second picture.
5. The photographer of the first shot doesn't really understand the rules of Texas Hold'em, but the second photographer has won a couple local tournaments. 
6. All of the I's in the second caption are actually lower case L's.
7. The Lou Dobbs' show advertised in the first photograph will air fewer commercials than the second one.
8. Both illegal immigrants had their Miranda rights read to them, but the second illegal immigrant did not really understand them.
9. The cops in the bottom photo are not using the latest version of Firefox at home.
10. In the first picture, "POLICE" is pronounced with the accent on the second syllable. In the second picture, the reverse is true.  

Hope you had fun!

From Bitch Burrito to O.K.-sadilla

In case anyone was wondering, I'm still being hotsauced, but I found out that my job will most likely not be eliminated. AntiNonUnIrregardless, I am still exploring ideas on how to save and make money without relying on employment.

I'm not sure how many people are aware of this, but it is impossible for anyone in New Jersey to get into any borough of New York City by car without paying (unless have a flux capacitor). Whether you take the George Washington Bridge, Lincoln Tunnel, Holland Tunnel, Bayonne Bridge, or the Outerbridge Crossing, you're going to get hit up for $8. As the RoBeastress is an N.Y.C. C.H.A.D. (Cannibalisic Humanoid Aboveground Dweller), I find myself constantly cursing this toll. Sometimes I say "#%@*^!@." Other times I say "$#!$%^%*."

But this past Saturday, I took part in a legend as mythical as the Jersey Devil--I received a Free Ride. Depending on your vantage point, I made a skilled/dick move and cut across 8 toll lanes to get to the non-EZ Pass lane with the shortest line. I got up to the toll collector, _____ed the windows down (they're electric and I haven't yet coined a suitable term to describe the non-rolling of car windows), and handed the bills out, but he started talking to me instead. Since most toll collectors are actually cyborgs, I thought it was strange that this one was attempting to engage me in discussion. Did I just do something wrong? Is he stalling so the Port Authority Police can surround me? Am I driving a similar make and model vehicle to someone that just robbed a convenience store and shot the clerk? I shot the clerk?

Just as I was about to call my cousin Vinny, I realized that I was not in trouble. It was the car ahead me that made the critical error--Their EZ-Pass paid the toll and they paid the collector in cash. The Toll Collector, rather than pocket the cash, decided to pay it forward and let me go without paying. For the next 20 minutes, I swear I heard a chorus of angels singing (though it may have just been one voice echoing while stuck in the Holland Tunnel traffic).

So, I'm 8 bucks ahead of the game. Awesome. BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE!!!

I was at Duane Reade de udder day and bought god knows what. The chick goes to hand my change but quickly stops to inspect a penny. "What in the world is this?" she says. I'm just hoping it's not another fucking-worthess-in-the-Coinstar-universe Canadian penny. Rather than exchange it for one of Emperor Duane Reade's millions of pennies in the cash register, she hands it to me anyway. I don't make a stink because, well, I don't make stinks (in public at least).

I get outside and take a close look at this alien currency. I quickly deduce by the letters E, U, R, & O that it's a Euro. And it's got a big 5 on it. Google tells me that ".05 Euros = 0.077775 U.S. dollars." That's almost 8 pennies when I was supposed to just get 1. I'm gonna be rich, motherfuckers (as long as Duane Reade makes this mistake a billion more times before Google starts printing its own currency and takes over the world)!

Speaking of coinage, have you seen the friggin' Euro? Looking at it, it's become obvious to me that Europe has special knowledge of an alien invasion. Additionally, it is abundantly clear that they have a pact with these intergalatic invaders as North and South America (and possibly Japan and Australia) will be attacked by these laserbeam-firing star-shaped spacecrafts, while Europe, Russia, India, Africa, and the Mid-East (the axis of 5) will be spared. It will be the 1300's all over again! Fortunately, I have caught wind of their arrogantly tauted plans, and will be working on countermeasures. You'll thank me later.

Speaking of coinage, remember to pick up your loose change from the bucket at the airport!

Speaking of coinage, I need to come up with the new word for the upward and downward movement of electric windows in a car because "roll" just doesn't cut it. I feel should start with a Z because Z is clearly the most futuristic letter of the alphabet. I zoomed the windows? Zoinked the windows? Zuuled the windows?

It looks like I have a lot of work to do.

I am a Real American

Tonight I decided to join the rest of the country by driving home late from work, picking up a couple double cheeseburgers from McDonald's, and watching some reality TV that requires America's votes for contestants to proceed. I'm even partaking in a very rare RoBeast act--dessert. I should probably tell you that my dessert is actually a lollipop with a mealworm in the center. Not really an American delicacy, but hey, it's my post-dinner indulgence. I just found a hair on my lollipop. I don't know what's grosser, the hair, the worm, or the McDonald's meat.

Unfortunately, I came home so late that I missed the first 45 minutes of Dancing With The Stars. I really wanted to catch Penn Jillette because I'm a big fan and I'll support any agnostic infiltrating prime time television (from now on referred to as Agnies). I didn't catch any of his performance though.

I did just witness my second favorite male contestant, Steve Guttenberg. He kinda sucked, but at least he looked like he had fun doing it. He's in pretty good shape these days, but I prefer his hair dark and 'fro-ier like it was in Police Academy. I was a huge Police Academy fan back in the Nineteen Hundred and Eighties, and was bummed out when Guttenberg did not continue with the franchise past the 4th chapter. I don't know what he's been doing since, but I did recently watch Short Circuit for the millionth time. I have to say that seeing him in his post-dance interview made me realize that he was never really acting in any of his movies. He was just being himself the whole time. I mean, except for when he went undercover in Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment and played a gang member, he was never required to really exert himself. That part was probably Guttenberg's first assignment too. Police Academy 2 rules. I've never typed truer words into a digital jukebox and saved the proof with my shitty cell phone camera. At least I don't have to hotlink anything this time.

A chance came in my life a few years ago to pay tribute to him when my band recorded an EP. We were brainstorming possible titles and Guttenberg came up. I lobbied hard for it, but our former drummer, who has since requested that I never use his name again publicly, vetoed it, saying it sounded too much like a concentration camp. Bullshit. I've since gotten over it because I found out that a group called Goldbloom came up with The Guttenberg EP first earlier this decade, but that doesn't make it any less of a great idea. Goldbloom's a really good name though, and any band named after a Jewish actor deserves to have an EP named after a Jewish actor. We finally settled on Guillotine of Fire, but I'm throwing Vigoda in the hat for the next one.

This Dancing with the Stars show is really long and really boring and I'll probably never watch another episode, to be honest. I watch such little television these days that I don't have the time to invest in keeping up with some dancing crap, even if my favorite rabble rousers are contestants. TV is snorezville anyway. That reminds me, someone committed a major faux pas in the gym at work today by leaving Spongebob Squarepants on. I excused Saved by the Bell because of the nostalgia factor, but Bob Esponja? Gimme a break.

One last shitty observation before I go back to ignoring the box and just listen to prank calls, and I'm sure I won't be the first blogger on Erff to say this... but when did Monica Seles turn into Celine Dion?