Here's the tally: 12 chances to win $20,000, 3 chances to win $4,000, and 3 chances to win $3,000. Let's watch me win some shit.
First ticket is going to pay off the student loans I've been chipping away at for 8 years. Ok, I won $10. That should cover the interest I accrued since I started typing this sentence.
The next practical prize will pay off my car. I've got two years left on that baby. Uhh.....nada.
Hmmm.... how about something fun? I'm not an extravagant consumer (though I'll unabashedly admit I bought replica Rocky Balboa USA trunks for no reason last night), but with $261,000 up for grabs, I may as well stop thinking so frugally. I want a stuffed polar bear, like the one that falls on the fat guy in Road House. Nope.Ok, how about a commercial pizza oven? I don't know where it would go, or how I would afford ingredients to make myself a pizza every day of my life, but here's to dreaming... and.... no. Waking up instead.
Maybe I should stop being so selfish. The next ticket buys Andy Monkey a hot night with a high-priced hooker, Spitzer-style. HOLY SHIT. I lost. But I scratched off two $20,000 prizes, and the next one said $20...... just twenty. Sorry Andy, you'll have to get your own hooker.
All right, how much does a wrestling ring cost? For just $9,000 I can get one from prowrestlingrings.com that comes with a bell! I'll take two, please! Or none, actually.
I've always wanted a Batsuit. And rather than argue about which version of the Batsuit is the best Batsuit (let's save that for another post), let's just say I'm going to buy all of them. That would probably cost more than $20,000, so let's also assume I'm not going to win on this scratch-off. And I would be assuming correctly.
How about a 2-player Tetris cabinet? Well I won't be getting it for $5, but that will at least get me 20 games at Barcade.
I don't think this is something I need or even want, but maybe just have to have: Every episode of every season of every version of Law & Order. I would consider this an investment actually, since I could cancel cable for the rest of my life. Ooh another $5! For Netflix.
I'm apparently on a streak here, so let's wish big this time. I want Pee Wee Herman's bicycle. $5 again, though clearly not enough.
YOU'LL BE SORRY PEE WEE HERMAN.
I should pick out something for milady. She needs a lot of furniture for her new pad. I reckon she'd probably want a foosball coffee table...
a couch made out of old macs...
and a bookcase/chair combo called the Bibliochaise.
Oh shit, another FIVE BIG ONES! Now I will be able to my woman a ball for the Foosball table that I'll never afford.
Since I clearly am I going to win $5 from each ticket on this card, my next dream will just be a $5 dream. What is $5 these days? How about a Magic Johnson T-Shirt? Let it Be used on Ebay? A pint of Ben & Jerry's? This game has lost its luster. PSHH. The card was a loser anyway!
All right six more to go. If this one's a winner, I'll get new sinuses installed in my face..... ummmmmm.... not a winner.
How about a hairless cat and a lifetime supply of tissues? YAY $2!!! That should get me a single box of tissues and maybe I'll talk to one of the stray cats that lives under my not-paid-off car when I get home.
Speaking of home, we could use a new downstairs neighbor. Would $3000 be enough of a hint for him to GTFO? Not with this card. Guess I'll just have to continue stomping a lot.
Three cards left and it's not looking good. I'm crossing my fingers for 2 week cruise to anywhere in the world as long as there's a buffet on-board. And a working toliet. Sad face.
For $4000, I will buy 10 cases of my favorite wine from Sheldrake Point, 100 calzones from DP Dough, and hole up in an Ithaca motel for a month of tasty debauchery...... or not.
With this last $3000 I will buy 3000 lottery tickets..... If they cost $0 a piece.
Oh well, $32 is not bad though. For me to poop on. Dare to dream, silver scratchers. See you next Xmas, Gamblor.
Since I clearly am I going to win $5 from each ticket on this card, my next dream will just be a $5 dream. What is $5 these days? How about a Magic Johnson T-Shirt? Let it Be used on Ebay? A pint of Ben & Jerry's? This game has lost its luster. PSHH. The card was a loser anyway!
All right six more to go. If this one's a winner, I'll get new sinuses installed in my face..... ummmmmm.... not a winner.
How about a hairless cat and a lifetime supply of tissues? YAY $2!!! That should get me a single box of tissues and maybe I'll talk to one of the stray cats that lives under my not-paid-off car when I get home.
Speaking of home, we could use a new downstairs neighbor. Would $3000 be enough of a hint for him to GTFO? Not with this card. Guess I'll just have to continue stomping a lot.
Three cards left and it's not looking good. I'm crossing my fingers for 2 week cruise to anywhere in the world as long as there's a buffet on-board. And a working toliet. Sad face.
For $4000, I will buy 10 cases of my favorite wine from Sheldrake Point, 100 calzones from DP Dough, and hole up in an Ithaca motel for a month of tasty debauchery...... or not.
With this last $3000 I will buy 3000 lottery tickets..... If they cost $0 a piece.
Oh well, $32 is not bad though. For me to poop on. Dare to dream, silver scratchers. See you next Xmas, Gamblor.
3 comments:
I hit up the casino that's 30 mins from me and won 250 :) sweet
it could be worst, you could have gotten crabs, from a toilet. Instead you got some cash. whoo hoo
I'll take one of those wrestling rings and one of those pee wee bikes lol
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