Dranx

I apparently fancy myself a drinkosaurus these days, so let me jump in with some more shitty drink reviews. (The reviews are shitty, not the drinks. Generally.)

Hint - I tried some water hinted with flavor yesterday. Tropical Fruit favor, to be exact. It was exactly that. I opened it and it smelled like flavor. I downed a large mouthful and it tasted like water. I swallowed and there was flavor again. I didn't really like the flavor, but at least I didn't drink any sugar, sodium, carbs, calories, or roofies. My biggest complaint is that I don't know what it was about the flavor that I didn't like. Ok, it says Tropical Fruit, and there is a picture of three fruits on the label, but let's pretend (or remember) that I'm dumb and don't know my fruit from my assbow. It would be nice if somewhere on the back label, they listed exactly which natural fruit flavors have been added to this water. It just says Water, Natural Flavors. If you ask me to surmise from the picture alone, I would guess Pickle, Cheesecake, and Pepperoni White Pizza with Vegetable crust. I need to make that drink.

Snapple - Alan the Speed Humper wanted to know what my all-time favorite Snapple flavor is. These days I really only drink Diet flavors because they usually only have 0-10 calories. Diet Cran-Raspberry mostly because there's no caffeine in it, but I'll have a Diet Green Tea when I'm feeling saucy. All time favorite though is between Mango Madness and Kiwi Strawberry. Diet Kiwi Strawberry is grotesque, by the way. I guess I didn't actually try any new flavors this weekend, but I did see a commercial for the new Snapple antioxidant waters. Of course, I don't remember any of it. Great fucking blog, huh? I can tell you that the Snapple flash website is awesome though. Tastes like dust though.


Mash - The bottle for Mash is stumpy like me, so I had to give it a shot. This is made in New Jersey by Boylan Bottling, but they don't even acknowledge it on their website yet. Boylan distributes to Trader Joe's, CostCo, and a bunch of retailers in NJ, NY, and Canada apparently, but I think Mash is still pretty new. I can tell you for sure that Helen's Pizza on Newark Ave. in Jersey City has it. Beyond there, I think you're on your own. If you do find it, you'll quickly discover how wacky it is. It's "A WATER DRINK" says the label. But as soon as it hit my tongue, I realized it was carbonated. Not at all what I expected. It tasted really good, but I wasn't in the mood for carbonated. They dun trickted me with their juicy-lookin' water drink and thems invisible bubbles. They should've called it Smash.

Dr. Pepper - I finally found the new limited edition Cherry Chocolate Diet Dr. Pepper at Target. This is another one that you don't taste anything unusual until after you swallow it and breathe in. Smells like cherry chocolate when you open it and tastes like Dr. Pepper in your mouth. Then you get the cherry chocolate back again when you swallow. I think it tastes really good, I just wish it was all at the same time. Flavor is such a weird thing. I remember those NutriSystem sprays back in the 80's. It was literally a bottle of flavor. If you got a craving for Strawberries, you just shot a spray of Strawberry flavor into your mouth instead of running out and buying a milkshake or ice cream, and you only ended up with 10 calories or some shit. I used it as deodorant. Up my butt.

I've got a bunch of dollar-off coupons for the new limited Dr. Pepper. Isn't that exciting? You want one? You want to tell me how lame I've suddenly made this blog by talking about coupons? I guess it could be worse. I could tell you about all the couches I tried out at Crate & Barrel and Room & Board this weekend, but explaining Ass-to-Back ratio, Leg-up-ability, and Pass-Out Time Theory may take a while. Tomorrow I'll tell you about eating. Trust me, it will be quite interesting. Until then, I give you...

Coupon: The Movie