February 10, 2008

2008 Grammy Awards - Live Blog by Ro-beast Rollie

So I guess I'll tackle the Grammys? I gotta pee first though. American Gladiators is on. I think I want to be an American Gladiator.

Yeah, so wrong channel. Every year I care about this award less and less. Actually I don't really care about this at all, but I've always wanted to do one of these live-blogcast dealies. I used to publish my picks for all the categories I cared about, and artists that I wanted to win, but as each year passes, there are even fewer people I'm rooting for. I still sort of watch, but with the absolute lowest of expectations. Alicia Keyes. Carrie Underwood. Don't care.

I should also take this opportunity to express my increasing disappointment in the Foo Fighters. I love every second of the first two FF albums. 3rd one's good too. The 4th one they don't even like. When the double disc came out, I really only enjoyed the acoustic one. Didn't even buy the newest one. I suppose the stuff is still catchy, but is lowest common denominator. The lyrics aren't playful or inventive anymore and the music is such generic arena rock. I think they're performing tonight and the lame Grammy audience will probably eat it up.

Why are they zooming in on Alicia Keys' face during her acceptance speech? Maybe I still want to be able to see her cleavage?

Ok, Morris Day and the Time. That's cool. Now get Prince back out there.

That's not Prince. I'll be honest, I do actually enjoy collaborations like this sometime. The last MTV awards had a ton of them, and I think I remember Rhianna and Fall Out Boy actually being an entertaining combo. Rhianna and The Time. Eh, ok.

Is that Tom Hanks or Al Gore?

I have no appreciation for whatever is going on right now. I love the Beatles, and I love "Day in the Life," but what the fuck is happening here? Like I said, I have no appreciation for what's being attempted. I know all this dance and acrobatic stuff is difficult, but that doesn't mean it works.

This just in: I'm super jaded.

36 minutes in and Jason Bateman gave me my first genuine laugh. Just in time too, I want to switch the channel badly. But I'll bite and check out this Grammy interactive voting for whatever crap.

Kanye West is on. I'm turning down the TV so I can watch the kids play their violins on YouTube. I'm of course now tempted to just keep watching videos on YouTube and skip the rest of the Grammys. I'm back in time to miss all of Kanye West. He thinks he's better than Stevie Wonder, you know? Asshole.

Teh Beauty says I need a picture in here somewhere.

Tina Turner can certainly still throw down. And TT's TTs are letting me know it's cold onstage. Beyonce should breath fireballs while Tina shreds.

I should also mention that the harmonies in the slow beginning of "Proud Mary" are amazing. I'm talking about the original that Ike and Tina perform. They skipped that here at the Grammys of course. Watch that on YouTube ahora instead of whatever is happening on TV.

I don't care for FF's "The Pretender." Of course I'm glad that there's a band on prime time network television screaming into a microphone, but the song just doesn't impress me. It interesting seeing Pat Smear touring/playing with the Foo Fighters again. I mean, they don't really need another guitarist, so I don't know what he actually adds besides punk rock cred. He doesn't seem very energetic these days, but then again, the cameras usually only focus on Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, and the violin chick that won that contest.

Thanks George Lopez for sticking to the theme of generic material. Chris Rock's joke about a minority in the White House ten years ago was way funnier:

As long as you live you will never see a black vice president, you know why? Because some black guy would just kill the president. I'd do it. If Colin Powell was vice president, I'd kill the president and tell his mother about it. What would happen to me? What would they do? Put me in jail with a bunch of black guys that would treat me like a king for the rest of my life? I would be the biggest star in jail, alright, people would be coming up to me and I'd be signing autographs: "97-KY, here you go." Guys would be going: "You're the brother that shot Bush. And you told his mother about it huh? I hope my children turn out to be just like you, Man, you know I was getting ready to rape you until I realized who you were. And even if they had a death penalty, what would happen? I'd just be pardoned by the black president.’”

As much of a douche I think Kanye West is, he just totally pwned the Grammys' director.

Teh Beauty: gospel awards?
Teh Beauty: hell
Ro-Beast Rollie: yeah, gotta give it up for jesus
Teh Beauty: I'm gonna go back to bludgeonings if they get too into it
Ro-Beast Rollie: i'm really surprised arethas not trying to sing over the trumpets
Ro-Beast Rollie: she needs to remind us that's she's a diva
Teh Beauty: no doubt
Ro-Beast Rollie: she'll be back
Teh Beauty: don't hold back
Teh Beauty: it's like the super bowl up in there
Teh Beauty: jumpin' 4 jesus
Teh Beauty: does Jesus require jumping?
Ro-Beast Rollie: you have to jump to get closer to heaven
Teh Beauty: ohhhhh
Ro-Beast Rollie: they're jumping away from the devil's pitchfork
Ro-Beast Rollie: aretha's not though
Teh Beauty: yeah
Teh Beauty: no
Teh Beauty: that's a lot of woman

I'm running out of things to bitch about and having internet problems, so I'll tell you how stupid I think that Super Bowl commericial with the dancing lizards is. First, it's not a Geico commercial. Second, lizards and dancing have nothing to do with beverages. Third, doing the Thriller dance was already not funny in 13 Goi
ng on 31 4 years ago.

I was right about this boring Alicia Keys song. She played the piano part for 3o seconds then got up and walked away from the piano. Bo-ring, bo-ring, bo-ri-ii-i-i-i--i----iii--ng. Is John Mayer's guitar plugged in?

Vince Gill with the second and possibly final LOL of the night. I would have liked him to punctuate his well placed jab with actual physical violence against Kanye West's fucking Tron get-up though. Speaking of Kanye's West shirt, here's another picture of Dillinger Escape Plan. Though you can't tell from the picture, their stage show looks exactly like Kanye's shirt. That was the show that I went to last week, for those keeping score at home.

I'm not paying much attention any more, sorry. I don't understand how Best Rap/Sung Collaboration warrants its own category though. It's a cliche, no? Why should cliche be encouraged? The winners should have darts thrown at them.

Amy Winehouse won something. She was surprised. I wasn't. At this point, let's just pretend I watched the rest of the show. Get me outta here (like now).


teh Beauty said...

Which is why I love you so much 'cuz I am too. Some would say to be sentient is to be jaded.

Ro-Beast Rollie said...

You don't love me. You just love my bloggie-style.

teh Beauty said...

You're a braver man than I sir. Even with the healing balm of bong hits, I can only watch 2 minutes of the Grammy's at a time before I start to go into a seizure.

Mork, from Charlestown said...

Nothing to do at work on a Sunday but read your blog about something I don't give a damn about while I ignore customers, who I don't give a damn about. I guess I don't damn as much as I thought. I saw you were having internet problems and raced into action to make sure the blogging was not interrupted in the least. I pinged the crap out of your modem, and it is talkin fine. You may want to check Mr Router.

Krip Howlee said...

Rollie, stop making fun of my grammy! Why do you have to crucify her? Just like you crucified Jesus?? In my fantasies??? I say good day, sir blogs-a-lot!

kirp holwee said...

My grammy is a nice old lady.