This post should actually take about an hour to properly digest.

I didn't go to work on Thursday either and had way too much to do today to bother buying a USA Today and skim for rhetorical questions. Next week, I promise. Why was I not at work for two days? Because I was sick! And super medicated! And not sleeping at all! And sweating while not sleeping! And watching VH1 while sweating and not sleeping!

Somehow I ended up stuck on VH1 at 3 am earlye yesterday morn. What they show on VH1 at 3 am is a program called "Nocturnal State" which is basically as Triple A as you can get. And when I'm not listening to Math Metal, I puss it up with that soft shit instead.

So while in and out of consciousness (unconscious, but certainly nothing that I can officially log as beauty sleep) I heard a lot of songs that I may have just heard snippets of recently, but never connected a face or name to. And there's some songs that I will clearly get made fun of for liking, but I don't give a flying fish. There's a great chance that all this old news anyway. I never said I was a Poop culture afficionado.

First there's this one by this chick that plays piano. I actually heard her for the first time on a commercial for cable or something and wrote down her name on a scrap of paper months ago but never actually made the effort to look her up. So VH1 decided to remind 8 million times by playing a part of her song "Love Song" at every commercial break, along with her full video and an unplugged version to boot. Now I know her name is Sara Bareilles, though I should not be expected to remember how to correctly spell it. Watch her video on YouTube since she won't let me embed it. She's a VH1 You Oughta Know Artist if that means anything. I think she's pretty cool because she's not afraid to write blog entries from Newark.

Another dame You Oughta Know is Ingrid Michaelson. Actually, before we get into Ingrid, maybe I should adopt my own set of Alanis Morrisette lyrics to indicate artists that gain my seal of approval. How about Go Down on You In a Theater? Ok, so Ingrid will definitely Go Down on You in a Theater. There's not much to her song, and the video's kinda tarded, but at least I can embed it.


I don't think her voice is necessarily as strong as Sara Bareilles, but her lyrics are certainly quirkier. They both really got that chorus hook down though, huh?

Alicia Keys' new song blows, no surprise there. WallyChung.com calls her Alicia Keyboards. Wally also constantly tells me how often she sings out of key, which I never realized until I heard the chorus of this dreadful song. There is no change in the chord progression for the whole song except for the 15 second bridge. That's gotta be so fucking boring to play live on piano (unless she's not actually playing and the riff is sampled). Worst of all, it sounds exactly like the progression in terrible Black Eyed Peas song "Where is the Love?"

Then I found out there's a video for the Eddie Vedder song stalking my pockets. Wow, that would be awesome if the song was actually called "Stalking My Pockets." I think I'm gonna use that one. Anyway, Darth Vedder's song is also pretty much the same progression over and over but at least it’s a little more complex. The video is definitely fueled by corn. (I arrogantly put that phrase in bold because I’m patting myself on the back for coming up with it, but I’m already ready to lead the backlash against it. I couldn’t have been the first person to say that anyway, right?) I should watch the video at a reasonable time of day to make sure it’s not being ironic and that it is indeed just plain old silly. Like now.

All right, it's not terrible, but every time they have the three orbiting Eddie Vedders it's kinda Laff Olympics, no?

The only other new video was a lo-budget-hi-concept Radiohead video for another song I don't care about from their newest album which I’ll never buy or attempt to listen to. Basically they all went in a room, plugged in their instruments, and strapped cameras to their heads. This would be interesting if Thom Yorke wasn’t the only one in the band that wasn’t a robot. Did that sentence make any sense? Am I being too much of smart ass now? Whatever, just watch the video and write your own fucking blog.

Sorry, it turns out that I do have some more shit to talk before I retire. I just get so angry when I see the Red Hot Chili Peppers dress up as rock bands of the past in that “Danni California” video. Especially the part where they dress up as Nirvana Unplugged. Not like I feel Kurt Cobain is sacred or anything, but it's just so tasteless. And pointless.

Plus it reminds me of that shitty Bon Jovi video “Something for the Pain” (yes, I had to look that up), but at least Bon Jovi had the sense not to be the idiots dressing up. I'm embarassed to have sat through this video in its entirety not once, but twice in my lifetime:

I don't know how to end this blog, so I'll let Mr. Bungle do it for me:


One love.