Ro-Beast Rollie's Rednesday Rent-a-Wreck

The more and more I dig through the USA Today today, the less confident I am in my grasp of a rhetorical question. I am basically just heat-seeking for question marks and then ask myself "Is this rhetorical or not?" That question, "Is this rhetorical or not?", is not, from what I understand. Who really has a strong grasp of the term rhetorical, anyway? Questions like "Who really has a strong grasp of the term rhetorical, anyway?" are where I have my problem. The intention of my asking it is really open-ended and unanswerable (rhetorical), but then again, maybe you have a strong grasp of what rhetorical is, and have a very succinct answer prepared, bringing it out of the rhetorical realm again. And my whole shtick where I'm "answering" these "rhetorical" questions shatters the whole definition anyway for the sake of "comedy" but I can't help but be "serious" and "anal"ytical all the time.

Sweet Jesus, have I already taken all of the fun out of this weekly feature in only its second appearance?

(Was that rhetorical? ["Was that rhetorical?" wasn't])

ONWARD GORSHIN SOLDIERS:

Can the world be any smaller?
Only when using Google Erff.

How can we make sure that if somebody is in despair and feeling just rotten that they reach out?

Feeling rotten in despair?
Try datpair instead:

What I don't know is, will he be able to energize the base of the party?
Energize the base? Try this on for size, amigo ------------>

Do accomplices deserve life?
Mikey likes it...so, why not?

If young people don't deserve a second chance, does anyone?
Young people get one chance or they get the hose. Midgets deserve a second chance, as do Centenarians. Censors, Centaurs, and Centurions don't even deserve a first chance, unless they are sending Cindy and Sandy uncensored Centenarian Centaur-Centurion porn. Power extreme!

Will pilots be scaled back?
Only for the new season of Wings.

Why not outsource the initial part of dating, which is meeting the right people in the first place?
Sounds good in theory, but how am I going to meet them if they're in India?

What sparks everlasting love?
Blazing S-words.

Who wants to slip out of that cute dress in favor of an old pair of gym shorts?
Aretha Franklin's halfway there.

Do I go see a movie because I know the private life of the actor in the film?
I only go to the movies to see the private parts.

How much of a swashbuckler can Indiana Jones still be as a senior citizen?
Ask Liddy Dole.

How do you explain the 1.3 seconds?
That's what she said (Not Liddy Dole).

Could Tiger Woods win 12 or 13 times in 15 starts this season?
With the strike over, writers should definitely be able to come up with a credible antagonist to this "Tiger Woods" character.

So, what's next?
I don't know. I guess I did enjoy doing this. I'm just too hung up on the "Rhetorical" thing. And that's a real shame because "Rhetoric" and "Rednesday" start with the same letter.