Beauty and the Robeast: Bruce Springsteen is the RoBeast's Shidoshi

May 8, 2008

Bruce Springsteen is the RoBeast's Shidoshi

The Karate Kid was one of my favorite movies back in '84. Since my mom wouldn't let me take karate lessons and Mr. Miyagi refused to train me, I was forced to learn how to fight by watching the flood of Post-Karate Kid martial arts movies shown on HBO instead. Ninja 3: The Domination, The Last Dragon, Best of the Best, No Retreat, No Surrender, Road House. I watched all that shit until I realized just how corny it was (and then when I got beat up, I realized that I hadn't actually learned how to fight at all). One movie that stood out from the pack was Bloodsport.

Totally corny, yes, but still fucking awesome. Plus, it's sort of a true story! It's replete with ridiculous Jean-Claude faces in slow-motion, hard rockin' Stan Bush musical montages, and Forrest Whitaker getting outsmarted at every turn (as usual). The Kumite was the March Madness of full contact fighting, and I ate it up.

Bloodsport meant a lot of things to a lot of people. To Frank Dux, it was a way to honor his fallen Shidoshi. To Chong Li, it was a lesson that cheaters never win. To Jean-Claude Van Damme, it meant a chance to wear tank tops, blush ,and do splits in front of an 80's-hot blonde. To Donald Gibb, it meant a chance to take his Nerd-beating skills to an international arena.

Bloodsport meant a lot to me too. I never had a Super Nintendo, so I could constantly watch it and pretend I was playing Street Fighter 2. And I just discovered this week that around the world, Bloodsport meant a lot of semi-Engrish translations and silly alternate titles. Nine of the following titles are versions of Bloodsport released internationally. See if you guess which ones are real (without cheating, Chong Li!).