May 23, 2008

Strange Days Indeed

The Ultimate Warrior was my favorite WWF wrestler back in the day. I just loved the fact that he ran everywhere grunting and flailing. Anything that he encountered, he lifted up over his head and threw or shook violently. Sure, he had no technical wrestling skills whatsoever... but I was totally into his animalistic abandon. And face paint, of course. He was the Robeast I always wanted to be.

And then he disappeared back to Parts Unknown for a decade or so, occasionally showing up in a federation, only to mysteriously leave again due to contract disputes, allegedly (not exactly part of the Warrior mystique). He traded the arm bands for a suit and tie (and a dictionary). He now preaches politics and morals more intensely than Hulk Hogan and his simple demandments. His blogs are dense and infuriating. He is a thickly-sliced beacon of Conservatism, drumming up a unique share of controversy. You either hate his guts because of what he's saying or defend him to the end. Many more just roll their eyes and dismiss his nutty rants.

I listen, but hear nothing he has to say. I look at him and still only see the face paint and the yelling and the lightning bolts and the squash matches. Sorry, Warrior, but I can't help it. I know he's dedicating his life to being more than two-dimensional, but my weak mind still refuses to process that. He's taken lots of slanderous hits over the years from former colleagues, bosses, and fans. How many people can say they've had a 2-hour DVD dedicated to having their name dragged in the mud? Sure, he's got a big fucking mouth, and sometimes he needs the world to announce that they see his foot in it, but I think he's far from a laughingstock. Like I said though, I don't care what he's saying. I don't want to hear anything he says unless it's "I'm returning to the ring." And now it's finally happening.

He's going to have a match in Barcelona in just over a month for the NWE Federation. And the Warrior web-presence is at an all-time high. He's posting videos. He's answering your questions. He's writing a book. He's making a documentary. He's blogging. He's fucking Twittering. And of course, he's training. I don't know what to expect, but I know during this month-long vamp, he's continuing to test my loyalty with these bizarre Q&A sessions...

I'll tell you what... I'm still on board. He has such an uncomfortable sense of humor that I can't help but watch. Is it the train wreck phenomenon? I don't know. I'm not one to be attracted to downward spirals. The Lohans and The Spearseses of the world... I actually feel bad for them, and not in a patronizing way. I guess I just root for the underdogs and wounded birds. I'll be watching that match, and even if it sucks, I'm still going to say it was awesome.

By the way, "Strange Days Indeed" = "Eight Days a Week."


teh Beauty said...

He's twittering? And you didn't leave the twitter link for him?

I must follow his tweets now.

Alan said...

Warrior was always great. He was the closet thing to a real life Super Hero in that ring. Maybe he'll show up at Wrestlemania 25 next year? Who knows. He's training with Rob Van Dam right now. Knowing RVD, he'll get Warrior to do a few actual wrestling moves in Spain.