May 15, 2008

Transmissions and Emissions from the Blue Lion

Last night I, of course, I parked my shit outdoors like a dumbass. Of course, we had a tornado warning and hail the size of golf balls that broke windows as I masturbated furiously in a gloriously violent crescendo in tempo with the teeth of the storm. Wha? Until my passion broke with the windows and glass sprayed everywhere. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Never mind. That shit broke windows. Sexy windows! I was titillated and terrified. It was great. As a consequence, I couldn't sleep until 3am. Up, aware, and tingly until 3am. Sounds like it's time for more news chunklets. Just some facts. Nuggets of trivia and stories that caught my eye as I gamboled o'er the signals.

The Apocalypse is Nigh.

The earth is just swallowing up parts of TX, willy nilly. It is the curse of GW & his kin upon my state. Residents are calling the disaster Sinko de Mayo.

"It’s unreal — the earth just wallered up,” said Lynn Wells, the mayor and fire chief, who monitored emergency efforts, speeding back and forth on his red Harley-Davidson.

I think the wallered up + the red Harley-Davidson really send this over the top for me. The sinkholes are caused by the oil industry drinking your milkshake right up and shitting it back out into your groundwater. Just more proof the earth hates us and wants to wipe us off its face.

ps. Contrary to popular belief, GW is not from Texas. He is a Y*nkee carpetbagger of the worst sort from f*cking Connecticut! Texas does not claim him.

Not even the skies are safe!
FLOGOS. Flying cloud-shaped logos that are environmentally sound. Made out of helium and a proprietary soap formula, they can travel 20-30 miles and go as high as 20,000 feet. They travel slow so they are very visible for a long time with a life expectancy of a few minutes to as much as an hour.

With one Flogo generator you will produce one Flogo every 15 seconds; we recommend that you have two machines which can generate a Flogo every 7 seconds, a life expectancy of a few minutes to an hour or so. For larger events you may need 6-8 Flogo generators.

Go watch their corporate video. Logos in the clouds. I don't know if I'm upset, or I think it's genius. I think I'm coming down on the genius side because I want an excuse to use them. Music video anyone? Flogos are a 100% environmentally safe. Colors coming in 2009.

Maybe We're Not Totally Hopeless as a Species. MAYBE.

California joins Massachussett's in ruling that discriminating against people because of who they fuck is actually unconstitutional! YAY! Look we've figured it out, ma. Love is love and should be celebrated and encouraged in positive ways.

California's Supreme Court has opened the way for same-sex marriages, ruling a ban on homosexual unions to be unconstitutional.

California has for almost a decade allowed same-sex couples to enter "domestic partnerships", conferring the same rights as marriage.

But on Thursday the state's highest court said reserving the term "marriage" for opposite-sex relationships might deny equal respect and dignity to same-sex unions.

It's not rocket science, people, but thank you for proving me wrong. Not everyone in the whole f*cking world is an idiot. Though seriously, Austria what THE SCHNITZEL is going on over there lately? First the guy who kept the girl in a hole under his house and abused her for 8 years, then the father who kept a daughter in his basement and fathered 7 children on her in secret, and now this? Whatever you all are doing over there? STOP IT. Immediately. Get a colon cleanse. Try a shot of wheatgrass or maybe a Qi Gong class, but mellow out people. Take it down a notch on the psycho scale from maybe a 9 to, say, a 2. Bring it down to a 2. Smoke a joint. Maybe some accupuncture? A hug?

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